Morning person.

I have never been a morning person, people who know me well just let me sleep because I am the grumpiest person to wake up but I have been trying to solve that.

My new morning routine has me awake a lot earlier than normal but it means I have time now to do ten minutes of yoga to wake me up and a five minute meditation before I leave and it makes me feel so positive every morning.

I need to find a nice balance for the weekend now, I’m still sleeping into ten and have no motivation but that needs to change. I need to be out in nature more and I need to help my daughter navigate her mental health through this new lockdown. How do you help someone find a hobby that really does not want one!?

I am taking my weekday morning routine as a win, a new healthy pattern I have set for myself now I just need to make sure everyone around me is ok too. Blessed be 💜

Knowing and doing.

Knowing and doing are two very different things. Take now for instance, I know I should be doing something, anything really to help shake the cloud I have felt over me the last few weeks but instead I am wallowing, why? I don’t know.

I should be meditating or doing some yoga to release the tension I have building yet I’m sat at my computer telling you all what I should be doing, all with the perfect excuse not too.

Clever!

Detrimental…..

some days it is easier to make my self follow the right patterns, knowing what needs to be done and doing it and then there are days like today where i just want to sleep, to hide and not feel anything. These are the days I need to force myself but I don’t have the energy, the willpower or to be completely honest the want to do it.

I tell myself I am allowed bad days and I am, the adjusting to full time work again and needing to re-evaluate everything is a big deal, I have set some large goals I want to achieve this year but cant do that sat on my backside worried about things I’m capable of fixing. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but I cant help it one small slip can feel like the slide back down to the dark.

So today I look for tomorrow, I look for a purpose to keep me moving and grateful for all that I have, I look for energy and guidance and hope that giving myself today is what is needed. Blessed be.

A Covid Christmas.

So Christmas this year wasn’t anything like how it was planned. I received and email from my daughters school two days before Christmas that she had been exposed to Covid 19 and now had to isolate for 10 days. I thought if we managed to get her a test and it was negative we could still celebrate as normal but on Christmas eve I received the positive result back for her, Christmas was cancelled.

We are very lucky to have such amazing families that helped us save the day, food and presents were brought and dropped in the garden, alcohol was purchased and in the end it was a lovely day spent together at home cooking, playing games and drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

its known that Christmas is not my favourite time of year and I always struggle around January time with the lack of money and the massive build up to Christmas that’s over in a day. I cleared the house of all decorations and did a deep clean the day after boxing day as that always helps my mental health but I have really had to talk to myself the last few days. the incarceration (as it feels right now) is driving us all mad and I would give anything for a walk in the woods about now, the having to make myself do things and not just sit around the house in my PJs although there is a lot of that too.

My beautiful tree was knocked down in the wind the other day too, I tried to make it healthier and better but it didn’t work, I now need it removed but am trying to make as many things and use as much of it as I can in memory, my garden will look so bare with no tree. I’ve cleaned and cleared as much stuff as I can, I have sorted my alter and added the bits I received for Christmas, it always makes me happy meditating by my alter.

Focus is on the mental health and trying to decipher what I’m actually feeling and what is my illness right now, setting new goals I want to achieve but putting them in little easy to manage steps, that’s why I like my vision board, the board for the bigger picture and then my lists, the lists of all the small things I need to achieve the big things. From the outside I must look organized but spend five minutes in my head and you will realise its all a lie! Blessed Be.

Good morning!

I managed a good morning routine today and I really want to try and stick too it. I woke up early and did the usual lunch boxes and cuppa tea and then meditated for ten minutes before anything else.

I feel positive and motivated for it too! I said my affirmations and my morning words to the goddess so I’m ready for my day. I know not every day I’m going to feel this positive but I really want to try and get a ten min meditation every morning before work and hope it gives me this little boost I need.

I hope all who read this have a blessed day and feel supported by the universe, know you are exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment and a smile goes a very long way. Blessed be 💜

Novelty has worn off.

Today is the last day of my first full week back to work. I have been a bit quiet recently trying to prepare myself to go back full time, I really liked my three day work week routine.

It has been hard, a lot harder than two days of work I’m completely capable of should be. I have struggled to stay motivated and be positive, I have been trying by using my crystals and saying my affirmations although I haven’t been meditating as much as I should be and that’s a bit disappointing.

I am lucky that my workplace is somewhere I feel safe and am allowed to express myself so I’m not really understanding the struggle. I’m sure once I get back into the swing of my new routine I will be fine but until then I have oils and crystals to keep me going. Blessed be 💜

Smiling brightly!

I have many reasons to smile at the moment, a roof over my head and food in the fridge, a family I love and job that needs me but I have always had one big problem with my confidence. My smile.

I have extremely bad teeth, it’s embarrassing to admit to the big wide world but they are awful and really knock my confidence when it comes to smiling and talking. My dentist says I have mastered using my lips to cover my teeth when talking so I guess I’m good at that 🤷

The reason I am telling you all this is because I made a rather large purchase for me this week and it’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I bought some clip on veneers and not the cheap ones. I’m hoping and praying they are everything I want them to be, that they help my confidence and take the last part of me I truly dislike away, at least in public.

We will see how they turn out I guess in a few weeks, I completed the impressions earlier today and hopefully will send them off soon. It’s a lot of money to spend just on me and it’s hard not to feel selfish in the grand scheme of things but the alternative was alot more and it’s something I have struggled with for a while. Blessed be! 💜

Where do I fit in?

Do you ever remember sitting with your family, it could be over dinner or around the TV and thinking this is where I belong and these are my people. Well I never had that.


As a kid I always felt like I was acting, like I was playing a part I needed to play for the production of the perfect family. It was never about how we felt or made others feel it was what will they think of us and give them the right impression, don’t tell the truth you tell them what they want to hear and don’t give them the bad only the good because then we look better. Manipulation is key.
When you do nice things for other people, never forget what you did because then you can use it to your advantage when you need something but if someone does something for you it’s a favour and can’t be held over you. Total mixed messages, no Talking about our feelings or worries as they aren’t valid and need to be pushed deep down inside where no one can see them, if people think your perfect then you are perfect and no one can tell you otherwise. Or the one that pissed me off the most, do as I say not as I do.

Only now being an adult and parent, having years of therapy and counseling do I see how toxic that is and I realize I was rebellious for a reason.
I started running away at age 12, firstly to friends houses or to my cousin’s but without spilling the family secret. It was hard and I only ended up making myself look selfish so I took it, I would rather be selfish than fake.

At 13 I found drugs, amphetamine was always my choice but I dabbled in most things which only succeeded in getting me into more trouble. Keeping my secrets and everyone else’s secrets was too much for me to deal so I didn’t, I got as messy as I could as much as I could and everything suffered.
My teenage years were some of the darkest times of my life but also taught me the most valuable lessons.

Enough wallowing for today I need some positive vibes! I am grateful for everything I have been through because it made me who I am today I like to think because of this I am fair and loyal, I am honest and reliable and hate liars. Just be you and your true people will find you, just because they are blood doesn’t mean they aren’t toxic. Blessed be 💜

Back to normal… For lockdown 2.0

I was so excited to go back to work this week, back to my desk and normality. Having a reason to get up and dressed and use some brain function, felt amazing!

But then lockdown happened again, there has been a confirmed case of covid at my daughter’s school, not her year or her “bubble” but you know it won’t be long and then we all have to quarantine.

For now I am just trying to stay positive, wash our hands and all have sanitizer, only leave the house if we absolutely have too and show as much love and compassion to anyone who needs it. There are tough times all around so please remember to be kind.

I will continue to be a normal productive member of society until I am told to stay home indefinitely, enjoying the small bit of normality I can before it crashes down again for Christmas. Blessed be 💜

Bitten in the butt!

I had a wonderful epiphany the other day, I want a room outside where I can sit in the dry, where my teenager can chill with her friends that’s not in my house so I bought a gazebo! Genius.

Not so much, you live in England! I have this thing tied down in every corner, I have it tied to my house and the fence yet the poles keep popping out. The wind sounds like it’s going to take the whole thing away and the sides have ripped where they should be tied. Not so genius!

I am due to go back to work this week so have been sorting the house out ready for winter just incase I don’t have time later on. I completely gutted the garden so it looked fresh during winter and didn’t make me sad, hence the wonderful gazebo idea. The house is all clean and tidy, and my mind feels clear with it ready to re-enter society.

I shall try not to be sad about my bad idea, we all have them and as long as we use them as a lesson then it was all for a reason, no matter how frustrating. Now to try and take this thing down. Wish me luck. Blessed be 💜

Full moon energy.

I feel very mixed emotions and energies today, I’ve put it down to the full moon but I can’t be certain that’s all it is.

I start second guessing and overthinking. I feel so sad and angry with no valid reason why. I feel I want to socialize and isolate all at the same time. I really want to put on four layers of clothes and go walking in the rain but can’t be bothered to explain why I want to do it alone.

So many awful things have happened in my town this week too that it honestly doesn’t feel safe walking alone in the dark, especially through wooded areas! Community isn’t an option anymore for someone trying to find their way either as apparently a second lockdown is imminent.

I spent today cleaning and cleansing my crystals so I can charge them under the blue moon on Halloween, trying to clear my mind and shake this feeling but it’s proving impossible. I would give my right arm for a bath this evening but with only a wet room a shower is my only option.

I’m going to meditate for a bit and cleanse myself in the shower hoping the moon can charge me too! Blessed be 💜

Feeling positive about moving forward.

I have been away restoring my mental health the last few weeks. It seems to be a system I need to work through every few months. Self care and reassuring myself I am on the right path. Every time I wobble I get a reminder that I am not in this alone. A sign to say I am supported.

I have been one of the very lucky ones during this pandemic only losing my job last month, but was hired again this week! Back to where I feel safe, back to where I can work and know the people around me know me, understand me and I don’t have to go back to square one exposing myself all over again.

It sounds bad but my cards have always told me not to worry so I didn’t, even when I thought it had all gone wrong I was secretly confident it would all work out.

I have been reading my cards and saying my affirmations every morning, thanking my guides and showing appreciation for all I have. I will be setting my crystal grids today and meditating on them for positive vibes and motivation, sending it out to all who need it. In dark days all it takes sometimes is a ear to listen and healthy vibrations to feel so I am trying my hardest to send them out to you all, you are amazing! Blessed be 💜

Alone time.

I was worried when everyone went back to work that I would be lonely, that having no one with me all day was going to be bad for my mental health but I forgot how much I did love being alone.

Peace and quiet to do as I please, want to read a book with no interruptions, go ahead! Want to bake lots of goodies and feel fat? Do that too! Want a nap in the afternoon after a walk in the woods? Why not! Just me and my spirit guides chilling.

It’s nice when everyone gets home too, I miss them and want to hear all about their days, I want to make dinner and listen to all the stories. It’s going to be so different when I go back to work.

I still don’t know what’s going on with work for me, applying for lots of different jobs and trying to get back to normality even if I really don’t want too. I must remember all I have learnt about self care and managing my anxiety for when I enter society again.

Sending love and light to all who need it, requesting motivation and energy to all who can spare it. Blessed be 💜

Night time energy….

I love it when I get a burst of energy, I don’t love it so much when it comes at 9pm. I want to clean and tidy, I want to sort and organized and everyone else wants to chill out.

When I have these burst of energy during the day I know by evening the whole house will smell and look amazing, I’m always concerned it just means I will be awake all night when it arrives late.

I’m not sure what to do at this time to use my energy that doesn’t involve me being awake at midnight. I can’t sit still to read a book or meditate I could paint or draw I guess but that still involves sitting still. Can I justify sorting out all the towels and bed sheets etc….

I will start small and hope I’m not still pottering around at 1am. If anyone has any craft ideas feel free to send me some links! Blessed be 💜

Coming or going? Who knows!

I have two moods at the moment and switching between the two is getting exhausting. Happy me is cool, she gets shit done and meditates, she talks to people and is positive! Moody me is draining, always bored and tired, never has any motivation to rectify this situation and expects everyone else to it all for her but without her having to communicate a thing!

I can start the day one way and end the other but trying to purposefully change them, impossible! I have to remind myself to catch my negative thoughts, I’m constantly analysing every word that flows through my brain to the point I can’t tell what’s right and what’s made up.

This is where therapy and self care come into saving me from my mental health, being my escape from my own brain. Meditation is best for this but it’s not always possible to get into the right mind set, you have to think of it as training. It’s a muscle you need to make strong to be able to use it to it’s best potential so don’t be hard on yourself if it takes a while to figure it out, I’m still learning every time.

If you are struggling then take some time out for yourself, tell yourself you need to time to recharge. Take a hot bath or read a book or article you have been wanting too. Go for a walk to somewhere you have never been before or your favourite spot, just be in nature for a while. There are so many ways that you can self care just find the ones you enjoy and take time to really enjoy them, savour them and in your times of need, revisit them.

Thank you for reading more of my ramblings, if I struggle to figure myself out I do wonder what you all must think? Today I send you all love and light, positive energy and acceptance. Whoever you are and wherever you are, love yourself! Blessed be 💜

Never to old.

I have been struggling with the concept of starting all over again in my 30s the last few weeks, being made redundant has made me rethink all the decisions I have made. I have a few qualifications in a few different things but I have never found the place where I have felt at home, am I searching for a concept that doesn’t exist? I have heard from varied people that the key to life is being able to be payed for what you love.

Unfortunately for me the fields of interest I have don’t really reward a big payday unless you train from a young age and end up lecturing at a university, other than me writing a best selling book I’m going to have to go back to the grind of a 9-5 job. With applying for benefits to try and help me through this time to pay the bills i have come across something that makes me excited, something i really was not expecting!

I am entitled to some free courses at my local college to train in a new career, to get some skills and help myself get into something I might enjoy, carpentry! I like to build things but do not have many skills, I like to pretty things up and take things apart and this will help with that skill, it is something I can do self employed so can work the hours I need. It is the most random skill I could have picked, especially knowing in my lifetime I have been a retail staff member, a nursery nurse, bar staff, a chef, pub manager, a tech records assistant and now carpenter, why not!

this is the first time in a long time I’m excited about something that isn’t my spirituality path and I can not wait to get started! wish me luck, Blessed be

World mental health day.

Today is world mental health day, a day to try and be kind to everyone, we all have our demons and everyone deserves kindness.

There are lots of platforms to reach out too if you are struggling. We are lucky here in the UK to have the NHS, sometimes you have to fight to be heard but please don’t stop fighting. Talking to anyone can help, the Samaritans or mind or even a friend.

Whatever you are struggling with you are not alone, there is help available for you, you just need to reach out. I know that in itself can be terrifying but think of it as the first step back to you.

We are strong, we are worth all the love that we receive and give ourselves. Blessed be. 💜

Adding to my crystal collection.

As I was walking through my local town center today I spotted an unusual stool I hadn’t noticed. It had so many beautiful crystals, Himalayan salt lamps, dreamcatchers and native American pictures. I was in awe! I took it as a sign that I was due a few more crystals to help raise my vibration and cheer me up.

I bought some beautiful raw emerald, pyrite, aquamarine, selenite stick, purple howler and and a beautiful agate slice of amythyst which I gave to my daughter. Coming home and adding them to my collection makes me feel good, when I wake up tomorrow and say my affirmation I have more sparkling items to make me smile.

I need to ensure I’m completing my morning routine everyday as I really notice the difference when I don’t. It’s my new form of self sabotage it seems, I will beat this and I will gain control again. I can only be responsible for myself and my own reactions and as long as I am aware and trying to make a difference for my future then I’m proud!! Blessed be 💜

Keeping your calm can be the best thing to do.

Today has been a test. It has tested me more than it has in a very long time but I managed to keep my cool and hold down my reaction, to talk it through reasonably and express myself the way I wanted too.

The stress and emotional abuse our family has received from my mother, it doesn’t even sound right calling her that, from this woman who destroyed everything is getting beyond a joke. She has pushed buttons for reactions, made false accusations to make her sound like a victim and is making my poor dad’s life a living hell.

We have a while to wait for proceedings of my parents divorce so it means it won’t be the end of the instigations from her but I’m just proud I have learned not to react to them, not to say the things she wants to hear, not to even get emotional. It has taken years of therapy and CBT to get to this point.

All I can do is be there for my dad, continue supporting him and each other until this awful time is over. I will have my time where I can say my piece and it won’t effect anyone else, I can do it in a calm and effective manor. Explain to her exactly how her actions have impacted each and everyone of us and never have contact again.

Thank you for all your continued support and kind words, it means so much to me to get them. You are wonderful people and I will be continuing to work on myself and making sure I’m a good person! Blessed be.

David Attenborough, real legend.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit disheveled, still sleepy and unsure what to do with my day. My half asleep brain thought David Attenborough’s new documentary on Netflix would be good morning TV.

As much as I love watching nature, as much as I love and respect that man so much I have realised, we as humans suck. It is really hard to have one part of me that’s wants to bring us all together, to teach and inform every generation of mistakes made and problems solved. Yet another part of me hates people, I hate confrontation and uncomfortable situations, I hate expressing myself to be belittled and looked at like I’m crazy.

I don’t know what world I’m leaving to my daughter but all I can do is my part. I am a very small fish in an ocean but I’m trying! Adding this to the pressure already constantly in my head is not good but also necessary. I just don’t know what to do that can make a difference. Any ideas? Blessed be.

Not all days are good or bad, some are just meh.

All illnesses, mental or not, you have your good and bad days. with my anxiety and depression I am either super controlled and motivated, eager and willing to learn or lazy and anxious, scared of my own shadow with no desire to interact with anyone. The rollercoaster is unbearable at times.

Then sometimes you have what I call meh days. No motivation to move yet my brain is going 100 miles an hour, the need to express myself either through writing or drawing, creating or even cleaning can curb the urge. I don’t have the depression chatting shit in my ear, or the anxiety eating me from the inside out I just cant be bothered to human, I cant be the only one?

I think today is the day for curling up with a book, or playing games building pretty houses to keep my mind occupied but my bottom firmly on a chair at all times! Remembering to complete the steps on my vision board and keep my heart and mind open. Blessed be.

Feeling supported.

There aren’t many mornings I wake up with energy so I make the most of them. I have been to town and replenished my candles as well as grabbing some incense, I have done all my housework and have the second load of washing on.

It doesn’t seem like much and in the grand scheme of things its not but for me it is a win! I am still looking for work, still unsure of what I actually want to do. I am still trying to find my yoga routine a slot but it seems to differ each day.

I want to share some of the positive energy I have today with you all, I want to help anyone struggling to human today. You are amazing, you are worth all the love you receive and you are not alone. Blessed be.

Moving forward.

All anyone can do in these very uncertain times is just move forward, and that is my only goal for next week, to move forward. Not be stagnant and scared, not be worried and overwhelmed. I want to make positive steps to make my life better, to try and help my mental health and get my life back to me being in control, or at least as much control as everyone else has right now.

My first plan is to start my daily journal, I have always said my journal is not private as I write my thoughts and feelings down here for everyone to read but I think I need a daily, private and just for me to reflect journal. I have been reading another wonderful book called the witch’s book of self care by Arin Murphy-Hiscock that has lovely ideas for a journal, how you can plan one out so even on days that nothing happens you have things to enter. I am going to start my new journal ritual in the morning when i light my candles and say my Affirmation.

The weather hasn’t been helping the situation either, I have never thought of my self as having seasonal depression as it has always been with me but I can definitely understand the basis of it, the sunshine really does make everything better. I do enjoy a walk in the rain sometimes but I am not a big fan of the cold so if it is windy too I’m out!

Moving forward no matter how small the steps are still counts, even if all you managed to do was get up, dressed and eat something then you have covered your basics, just try again tomorrow to add one more thing to the list, apply for a few jobs on your phone, tidy up the house a bit or do some washing. As long as your moving forward you are trying and I’m proud of you. Blessed Be.

Now is the time, to do what exactly?

Unfortunately I feel very much back at square 1 right now, like so many other people during these uncertain times I have been made redundant. Through no fault of anyone or anything other than the situation of the world right now, the pandemic, the virus and everything else that seems to be brewing around too. I have been trying really hard to keep up my routine, to find some solace in anything I can to stop me falling into the darkness.

The whole idea of job searching is exhausting and terrifying. The process of meeting new people and putting myself out in a world I feel I haven’t really been a part of since last year has my anxiety so high. The idea of the world that is out there, the world I am raising my family in is also just as terrifying. Depression seems to like that one, it keeps asking what my intentions are when the whole world falls apart, I don’t have any!? die with the masses I guess…. and there is it’s reason to get me into bed and just not bother.

Where is my drive? Where is the woman who was fearless and an adrenaline junkie? who loved a challenge and fought hard for the things she believed in? I don’t know anymore. I thought she was still in there somewhere, I thought she had found her feet again and was getting ready to stand tall but when I need her the most she’s hiding in the pit of my stomach screaming at me! Square one again.

With trying to stay positive I have updated my CV which at least makes me sound like a productive member of society who is capable of holding down a job, I have considered higher education at the ripe old age of 33, A levels in English and History as they are my two passions in life and to carry on with my spiritual learning, still wanting to find someone to connect with on this, to help guide me, as with everything now I just feel lost.

Now is the perfect time for me to decide what it is exactly I want to do, what makes me happy? what would mix my passions and be able to make me an income? or is that asking too much? do I focus on myself and my mental health first and worry about work later? do I just get a job for now and figure things out along the way? do I make a plan and stick to it to further my education?

For now I’m going to apply for a few jobs I really am interested in hoping my new updated CV gets me a look, I am then going to make a hot cup of tea, find a comfy spot and read some self care books. I have increased my collection substantially over the last few months, so much so I have had to purchase a new bookcase to store all my books together, better get reading! Blessed be and thankyou for reading, all of your support and nice comments really makes me feel I have a purpose, if 1 person can read and relate to what my crazy brain spits out I feel a little less isolated.

Sliding down to climb back up.

I am constantly reminded that my illness has a mind of its own. I have been a bit up and down the last few weeks, trying to stay motivated and keeping things running but sometimes it’s just so hard.

It’s hard not to let my mood effect the people around me, it’s hard to not want to be around the people you love. You know that you are hurting their feelings by reacting the way you are but you can’t stop that voice in your head saying all these nasty things, you just have to not repeat them.

The negativity surrounds you like a cloud and no matter how hard you try to blow it away it seems to just grow bigger. So to get out of my own head I need to make others smile, I need to concentrate on making someone else happy and then maybe it will lift my cloud.

I will be cleansing my crystals, watering my flowers, meditating and doing anything my family ask for to give me some direction, some plan and reason to this blurry mess right now. Blessed be 💜

Happy birthday blog!!

Today marks the one year anniversary of me starting my blog. I haven’t achieved every thing I wanted too but I still feel I have done something.

I have lots of followers on several platforms, I have written about my everyday life by not gone into some details I wanted too. There is still time! I have raised over £100 for charity by doing a 8 mile walk and I have boosted my confidence.

I shared my spiritual journey with you all and have several pages within my blog for inspirational meme’s, things I enjoy doing and the charity walk I have done. If you could all just visit my page, add a comment and help me make year two the year I take off!! I have so much still to share with you all and can’t wait to see what year two brings.

Thank you all so much for being with me during this difficult time, thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings and comment on my questions, it really does mean everything to me! Blessed be 💜

Is there a bully group chat!?

I shared my post with you guys last week about bullying, about the issues my daughter was facing and that I understood how she feels. And then I get a follow request from one of my bullies!?

I had a problem with this “woman” since I was in my teens. She looks down her nose at me and called me all sorts of names. Fast forward ten years and She then decided to sleep with my fiance and get pregnant, don’t get me wrong he certainly enjoyed the fact of how much we dislike each other too.

Following this I get approximately three years of abuse. Calls in the middle of the night, text messages full of nasty comments, coming up to me in the street anytime she saw me, again shouting abuse wether my daughter was there or not. It finally ended after I had a harassment order and restraining order placed against her.

Welcome back to today! I haven’t heard, seen or had any contact since 2014 until I have the police called for my daughter then pops up a follow request. I deleted and ignored but it’s playing on my mind.

Why do bullys feel the need to check in? I’ve had messages from my daughter’s bullies asking me how dare I bring the police into this…. I’ve had requests from my bullies suddenly popping up. What the hell is happening!?

So today is a day of cleansing. I will be burning my sage sticks around the house and myself, I will be setting up my crystal grid so promote positive vibes and cleansing energies and may even attempt a clear all curses spell, just to make sure!! I hope you all enjoy your wonders day!

Please visit my blog and read about my sponsored walk I’m completing on the 5th sept for an amazing little boy. We need to raise as much as we possibly can and I would really appreciate all the help we can receive for him!! Blessed be.

To be grateful…

What am i grateful for? Lots really. I have an awesome support unit with my husband, my sister, my dad and my daughter, I have a great support unit far an wide with family all over the country. I have a home I love even if I am thinking of leaving it. I am grateful for life, for waking up every morning, be it a good mood or bad, for wanting to heal myself and for starting this journey I had talked about for so long.

Yesterday was a good day, the sun was out and I got the pool out, BBQ food was amazing and I do love feeding my family. I dont have many talents but I can cook! My alter is constantly being changed and bits added or removed I just love meditating surrounded by my plants and incense, candles and lights. It’s my happy place.

If I could ask all you lovely people to please please click on my blog and read my page about Jacobs Journey, it’s a charity walk I am doing to raise money for a very special little boy. Any donations received will be amazing. Pop a comment on the page so I can try to keep track. Blessed be ♥️

what is the moon doing to me!?

Today has been a struggle, I don’t know about anyone else but I have not managed to do anything productive today. I did my cards and I meditated for a little while this morning, I cooked for the fam as they still need to eat but I couldn’t manage to eat anything myself. I have always had a strange relationship with food, I either eat it all or have two bites and say I’m done, and today I couldn’t even manage one bite, I just done feel right. I feel sick and lethargic, I feel stressed but with no real reason to be and my anxiety has been driving me nuts today! hands constantly sweating and my heart just deciding to race for no reason. I feel tired but I cant sleep. I have written out so many messages today and just decided not to send them, I know the mood I’m in I would snap at someone who doesn’t deserve it just because of my mood, so I just avoided all contact today, you know the saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all” well that’s todays moto.

I know the moon is in retrograde, I know that emotions are running high everywhere right now and the world doesn’t need another grumpy opinion so I’ve stayed pretty quiet today. I want to send out positive vibes and I want to send out good feelings but I cant even share that with myself today. Its been a struggle but there is tomorrow. Blessed Be.