Feeling like I have let myself down.

The thing with depression and anxiety is it’s very much and ebb and flow. You can have days, weeks or months of feeling in control and that you are moving forward then one day it all feels wrong. You start overthinking everything, you start judging yourself and how everyone else sees you and without even…

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The sneaky panic attack.

My panic attacks have become few and far between lately, I put it down to a clear routine that I work towards, daily meditation and exercise in the morning. But, after all of that, I still found myself sitting at the end of my bed Friday morning trying desperately to breath my way out of…

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Where do I start!

Now I have decided what I want to do and where to go from here it feels like the more I read and research the more confused I become…. Opening a business and agreeing to the whole wide world judging you and having an opinion on your lifestyle is a big step! Can I even…

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Springs first BBQ.

Yesterday was a very good day. I woke up feeling a bit shit but knew I had invited over my dad for an Easter BBQ, I had already braved the shopping and the fridge and freezer was fully stocked so it was just prep and cooking to tackle. I had a shower and envisioned all…

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Trusting my intuition.

I have been reading a lot about Tarot cards and having the ability to read them. I have always felt a draw to the cards and thought I would attempt to give it a go, I have always believed I had a great intuition when my anxiety wasn’t in control as it is always telling…

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Learning to grow.

I have spoken a few times on here about wanting a side hustle, to be able to make money from what I love doing but every time I try to move forward another bill lands on the mat and I realize all over again I need a 9-5 to survive. So I have come up…

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Research and understanding.

I had my first bad comment today, it was on social media so it doesn’t really count but for about five seconds it really knocked me back. Until I realised its just someone who has nothing better to do with their time than mock others, not the audience I was hoping for but at least…

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Finding my strength

As every day seems to go by I seem to be finding a little bit more of myself, finding a bit more strength and motivation. I have found joy in the simple things and a sense of purpose and productivity in completing tasks I have set myself. I have started the re decoration of my…

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Same shit different day

I tend to not write on days there isn’t much going on but I’m going to change that. Half of the mental health battle is just being a functioning human being on a day to day basis. When you have days that you can get up and ready, can leave the house and do the…

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Making a change.

I feel like I have been waiting for things to fall into place before I can start what I really want to do and all that is doing is delaying the inevitable. I want to be successful at writing but in order to do this i need to write, setting my first task as a…

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Top tips for a panic attack.

These are the best ways I find to calm myself out of a panic attack, I hope you can use any of these to make yourself deal better with anxiety. Grounding. I find grounding helps if I am at home and sitting still isn’t helping me calm down. Take off your shoes and socks and…

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If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything.

I haven’t posted for a while, I have written a few blog posts but haven’t published them. I was reacting to a situation I have no control over, in fact I was ranting and although it is good to vent your frustrations, publishing them might not be best. The conclusion I have come to over…

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Unpopular opinion, I hate snow.

Everyone has been buzzing around the south of England the last few days because the snow is coming. My daughter came bouncing into my room this morning, mum! look out the window, it’s snowing!! Now while I will admit it looks very pretty all undisturbed from behind a window, I am not looking forward to…

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Morning person.

I have never been a morning person, people who know me well just let me sleep because I am the grumpiest person to wake up but I have been trying to solve that. My new morning routine has me awake a lot earlier than normal but it means I have time now to do ten…

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Knowing and doing.

Knowing and doing are two very different things. Take now for instance, I know I should be doing something, anything really to help shake the cloud I have felt over me the last few weeks but instead I am wallowing, why? I don’t know. I should be meditating or doing some yoga to release the…

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A Covid Christmas.

So Christmas this year wasn’t anything like how it was planned. I received and email from my daughters school two days before Christmas that she had been exposed to Covid 19 and now had to isolate for 10 days. I thought if we managed to get her a test and it was negative we could…

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Good morning!

I managed a good morning routine today and I really want to try and stick too it. I woke up early and did the usual lunch boxes and cuppa tea and then meditated for ten minutes before anything else. I feel positive and motivated for it too! I said my affirmations and my morning words…

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Novelty has worn off.

Today is the last day of my first full week back to work. I have been a bit quiet recently trying to prepare myself to go back full time, I really liked my three day work week routine. It has been hard, a lot harder than two days of work I’m completely capable of should…

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Smiling brightly!

I have many reasons to smile at the moment, a roof over my head and food in the fridge, a family I love and job that needs me but I have always had one big problem with my confidence. My smile. I have extremely bad teeth, it’s embarrassing to admit to the big wide world…

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Where do I fit in?

Do you ever remember sitting with your family, it could be over dinner or around the TV and thinking this is where I belong and these are my people. Well I never had that. As a kid I always felt like I was acting, like I was playing a part I needed to play for…

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Family is complicated.

I love my close family so much, the unit I have around me now is loving, supportive and honest with me. I can be myself and know that I wont be judged. We are close by and miles apart but the love and connection is unbreakable. My family unit however has not always been this…

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Back to normal… For lockdown 2.0

I was so excited to go back to work this week, back to my desk and normality. Having a reason to get up and dressed and use some brain function, felt amazing! But then lockdown happened again, there has been a confirmed case of covid at my daughter’s school, not her year or her “bubble”…

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Bitten in the butt!

I had a wonderful epiphany the other day, I want a room outside where I can sit in the dry, where my teenager can chill with her friends that’s not in my house so I bought a gazebo! Genius. Not so much, you live in England! I have this thing tied down in every corner,…

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Full moon energy.

I feel very mixed emotions and energies today, I’ve put it down to the full moon but I can’t be certain that’s all it is. I start second guessing and overthinking. I feel so sad and angry with no valid reason why. I feel I want to socialize and isolate all at the same time.…

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Feeling positive about moving forward.

I have been away restoring my mental health the last few weeks. It seems to be a system I need to work through every few months. Self care and reassuring myself I am on the right path. Every time I wobble I get a reminder that I am not in this alone. A sign to…

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Alone time.

I was worried when everyone went back to work that I would be lonely, that having no one with me all day was going to be bad for my mental health but I forgot how much I did love being alone. Peace and quiet to do as I please, want to read a book with…

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Night time energy….

I love it when I get a burst of energy, I don’t love it so much when it comes at 9pm. I want to clean and tidy, I want to sort and organized and everyone else wants to chill out. When I have these burst of energy during the day I know by evening the…

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Coming or going? Who knows!

I have two moods at the moment and switching between the two is getting exhausting. Happy me is cool, she gets shit done and meditates, she talks to people and is positive! Moody me is draining, always bored and tired, never has any motivation to rectify this situation and expects everyone else to it all…

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Never to old.

I have been struggling with the concept of starting all over again in my 30s the last few weeks, being made redundant has made me rethink all the decisions I have made. I have a few qualifications in a few different things but I have never found the place where I have felt at home,…

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World mental health day.

Today is world mental health day, a day to try and be kind to everyone, we all have our demons and everyone deserves kindness. There are lots of platforms to reach out too if you are struggling. We are lucky here in the UK to have the NHS, sometimes you have to fight to be…

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Adding to my crystal collection.

As I was walking through my local town center today I spotted an unusual stool I hadn’t noticed. It had so many beautiful crystals, Himalayan salt lamps, dreamcatchers and native American pictures. I was in awe! I took it as a sign that I was due a few more crystals to help raise my vibration…

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Keeping your calm can be the best thing to do.

Today has been a test. It has tested me more than it has in a very long time but I managed to keep my cool and hold down my reaction, to talk it through reasonably and express myself the way I wanted too. The stress and emotional abuse our family has received from my mother,…

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David Attenborough, real legend.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit disheveled, still sleepy and unsure what to do with my day. My half asleep brain thought David Attenborough’s new documentary on Netflix would be good morning TV. As much as I love watching nature, as much as I love and respect that man so much I have…

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Not all days are good or bad, some are just meh.

All illnesses, mental or not, you have your good and bad days. with my anxiety and depression I am either super controlled and motivated, eager and willing to learn or lazy and anxious, scared of my own shadow with no desire to interact with anyone. The rollercoaster is unbearable at times. Then sometimes you have…

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Feeling supported.

There aren’t many mornings I wake up with energy so I make the most of them. I have been to town and replenished my candles as well as grabbing some incense, I have done all my housework and have the second load of washing on. It doesn’t seem like much and in the grand scheme…

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Building my vision board.

Another way I’m trying to help my motivation to get back to the normal world of people is a vision board, more self help books and blogs have helped me start my journal so the next thing I think will help is a vision board. On there I have; find a job and spend more…

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Moving forward.

All anyone can do in these very uncertain times is just move forward, and that is my only goal for next week, to move forward. Not be stagnant and scared, not be worried and overwhelmed. I want to make positive steps to make my life better, to try and help my mental health and get…

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Now is the time, to do what exactly?

Unfortunately I feel very much back at square 1 right now, like so many other people during these uncertain times I have been made redundant. Through no fault of anyone or anything other than the situation of the world right now, the pandemic, the virus and everything else that seems to be brewing around too.…

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Sliding down to climb back up.

I am constantly reminded that my illness has a mind of its own. I have been a bit up and down the last few weeks, trying to stay motivated and keeping things running but sometimes it’s just so hard. It’s hard not to let my mood effect the people around me, it’s hard to not…

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Happy birthday blog!!

Today marks the one year anniversary of me starting my blog. I haven’t achieved every thing I wanted too but I still feel I have done something. I have lots of followers on several platforms, I have written about my everyday life by not gone into some details I wanted too. There is still time!…

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Is there a bully group chat!?

I shared my post with you guys last week about bullying, about the issues my daughter was facing and that I understood how she feels. And then I get a follow request from one of my bullies!? I had a problem with this “woman” since I was in my teens. She looks down her nose…

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I hate bullies.

Bullying can be detrimental to your mental health at any age. When you are in school and its the people you are supposed to be friends with, it can lower self esteem horribly. I have been on this journey called bullying for many years, I have experienced it, I have done it and now I…

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To be grateful…

What am i grateful for? Lots really. I have an awesome support unit with my husband, my sister, my dad and my daughter, I have a great support unit far an wide with family all over the country. I have a home I love even if I am thinking of leaving it. I am grateful…

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The beautiful sunshine!

what is it about the sunshine that makes everything feel a bit better, and everyone want to day drink? don’t get me wrong I’m always down for a beer in the sun but unless you are on holiday and by the pool or ocean its just not the same. I miss holidays, not that I…

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Feeling frazzled.

I feel like I have made some important decisions in the last few days, implementing them however is not going to be easy. My book is coming, the first few chapters just seemed to flow but now I am diving into the details it is not so flowy after all! I will carry on and…

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Guess who’s writing a book…

I have started! The plan is in motion! My book has begun! I started writing at the beginning of the last weekend and got completely immersed. I’m sorry I haven’t been writing much, well on here anyway. Do you want a snippet? Just a paragraph? Ask and you shall receive. I finally have a story…

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I need a side hustle.

I have been furloughed now until October, not much work on and I work for a small business. I love my job and have no intention of leaving so I need a side hustle to make ends meet. Any recommendations? I unfortunately don’t have many qualifications on paper, not for the things I would like…

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The gardening begins,

My personality is impulsive and impatient. Not the best combination to have when I want to learn new things or pick up a skill. I want to know it all and I want to know it now and I want to be perfect straight away. Even though I’m aware of what stupid and ridiculous pressures…

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Where can you buy a green thumb?

Good evening world!! I am positive and have very much enjoyed my day. I walked 10,000 steps and purchased some beautiful flowers to put in my alter corner. It is alive with prettys and succulents and crystals and words…. It is my happy place. Unfortunately I do not have a green thumb, I have tried…

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I love the sunshine!

I feel like I must be the only one in the whole of my country who is loving this heat wave! I don’t have to leave the house, I can put a paddling pool in my garden and sit in it and drink wine, I can meditate and tan myself at the same time. Where…

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I know wasn’t alone today.

I have had an extra bit of energy today, a little helping hand with my mood. I was organized and productive, I was positive and happy, I was not lazy or snappy. Who am I? Some days you win and today was definitely a win. I Spent some time with my daughter bonding over Disney…

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I have a home office!

I feel very grown up today, all prepared and organized in my little office corner. Normally my PC is in my bedroom as I have a habit of researching things and watching videos until the early hours of the morning but now I have turned the bay window in my front room into a proper…

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what is the moon doing to me!?

Today has been a struggle, I don’t know about anyone else but I have not managed to do anything productive today. I did my cards and I meditated for a little while this morning, I cooked for the fam as they still need to eat but I couldn’t manage to eat anything myself. I have…

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Thankyou for being with me today.

I felt the presence of someone today, or maybe a few people or spirits. I felt like I have been guided and it has opened my heart. The more I try, the more I seem to be getting closer to something. I’m not 100% sure what it is yes but I know I’m headed in…

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The endless possibilities, but why does my heart still hurt?

I have been trying today to take myself that step higher, that step further within my beliefs and spirituality. I have read a lot of articles surrounding the rewire your own brain formula. it is very similar to my therapy when you break it down in to basic terms, just don’t think them thoughts, don’t…

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Mind, Body….. control?

As I filled you all in on my morning I wont delve too deep into that. I went for a walk today, I tried to get out to a beauty spot that is about 40 minutes away from where I live but apparently I had the same idea as everyone else in my county. this…

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Starting again… again.

I had told myself a fresh start was coming on Monday, although I feel like I may have had a bit of a head start today. I had felt the best I had in a long time and I feel my faith and beliefs have really given me something to focus on but like always…

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We can’t always be peace and light.

I woke up yesterday with the full intention of only giving out good vibrations, to only receive good energy. It was working until about 2pm. I don’t know what changed other than my mood but I just couldn’t shake this angry and frustrated mood. I did the worse thing possible and thought maybe a drink…

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I found some peace today.

I finally had a good nights sleep last night, although I did kind of miss the bird song this morning. I have been a productive human, sort of. I woke up and read my cards, I tidied up a bit and did some yoga, ok, I thought about yoga but I didn’t pull myself off…

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I’m hoping I sleep tonight.

As nice at is was watching the bird song this morning I’m very much looking forward to going to bed tonight I am just hoping I can actually sleep. I don’t have a bath unfortunately and would sell a kidney for a bubble bath right now! (to clarify I have a wet room) but a…

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there just isn’t a cure for this shit.

My illness is deceitful, my illness is frightening, my illness is spiteful, my illness can be immobilising. My illness isn’t me. Today has been a tough day, I haven’t felt like the new version of me I have been trying to create. I made myself get up and do all the things that have helped…

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Strawberry moon and my birthday.

It is my birthday tomorrow, just another day once you get passed a certain age, just a reminder you should be another year wiser. I have grown this year at least, spent a lot of time learning who I really was and still making revelations today! therapy and counselling, medication and meditation, making decisions that…

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Hereditary illness’s and how I deal.

Knowing that your feelings and emotions are playing tricks on you is one thing but when you see someone you love feeling that way and there isn’t anything you can do about it, it hurts! It makes you feel helpless. You can’t explain your illness to someone else experiencing Thier own interpretation of the illness.…

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Sorry I’ve been missing… I’m working on myself.

Welcome back to another insight the darkness of my soul. The most powerful emotion that likes to eat at my insides during my days of depression is the guilt. You don’t want to do anything or be anywhere so you hide in the dark and let the guilt of you not doing what your supposed…

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