The thing with depression and anxiety is it’s very much and ebb and flow. You can have days, weeks or months of feeling in control and that you are moving forward then one day it all feels wrong. You start overthinking everything, you start judging yourself and how everyone else sees you and without even…
Read MoreAll articles filed in Anarchyandanxiety
The sneaky panic attack.
My panic attacks have become few and far between lately, I put it down to a clear routine that I work towards, daily meditation and exercise in the morning. But, after all of that, I still found myself sitting at the end of my bed Friday morning trying desperately to breath my way out of…
Read MoreWhere do I start!
Now I have decided what I want to do and where to go from here it feels like the more I read and research the more confused I become…. Opening a business and agreeing to the whole wide world judging you and having an opinion on your lifestyle is a big step! Can I even…
Read MoreSprings first BBQ.
Yesterday was a very good day. I woke up feeling a bit shit but knew I had invited over my dad for an Easter BBQ, I had already braved the shopping and the fridge and freezer was fully stocked so it was just prep and cooking to tackle. I had a shower and envisioned all…
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Trusting my intuition.
I have been reading a lot about Tarot cards and having the ability to read them. I have always felt a draw to the cards and thought I would attempt to give it a go, I have always believed I had a great intuition when my anxiety wasn’t in control as it is always telling…
Read MoreLearning to grow.
I have spoken a few times on here about wanting a side hustle, to be able to make money from what I love doing but every time I try to move forward another bill lands on the mat and I realize all over again I need a 9-5 to survive. So I have come up…
Read MoreResearch and understanding.
I had my first bad comment today, it was on social media so it doesn’t really count but for about five seconds it really knocked me back. Until I realised its just someone who has nothing better to do with their time than mock others, not the audience I was hoping for but at least…
Read MoreFinding my strength
As every day seems to go by I seem to be finding a little bit more of myself, finding a bit more strength and motivation. I have found joy in the simple things and a sense of purpose and productivity in completing tasks I have set myself. I have started the re decoration of my…
Read MoreSame shit different day
I tend to not write on days there isn’t much going on but I’m going to change that. Half of the mental health battle is just being a functioning human being on a day to day basis. When you have days that you can get up and ready, can leave the house and do the…
Read MoreMaking a change.
I feel like I have been waiting for things to fall into place before I can start what I really want to do and all that is doing is delaying the inevitable. I want to be successful at writing but in order to do this i need to write, setting my first task as a…
Read MoreTop tips for a panic attack.
These are the best ways I find to calm myself out of a panic attack, I hope you can use any of these to make yourself deal better with anxiety. Grounding. I find grounding helps if I am at home and sitting still isn’t helping me calm down. Take off your shoes and socks and…
Read MoreIf you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything.
I haven’t posted for a while, I have written a few blog posts but haven’t published them. I was reacting to a situation I have no control over, in fact I was ranting and although it is good to vent your frustrations, publishing them might not be best. The conclusion I have come to over…
Read MoreUnpopular opinion, I hate snow.
Everyone has been buzzing around the south of England the last few days because the snow is coming. My daughter came bouncing into my room this morning, mum! look out the window, it’s snowing!! Now while I will admit it looks very pretty all undisturbed from behind a window, I am not looking forward to…
Read MoreMorning person.
I have never been a morning person, people who know me well just let me sleep because I am the grumpiest person to wake up but I have been trying to solve that. My new morning routine has me awake a lot earlier than normal but it means I have time now to do ten…
Read MoreKnowing and doing.
Knowing and doing are two very different things. Take now for instance, I know I should be doing something, anything really to help shake the cloud I have felt over me the last few weeks but instead I am wallowing, why? I don’t know. I should be meditating or doing some yoga to release the…
Read MoreA Covid Christmas.
So Christmas this year wasn’t anything like how it was planned. I received and email from my daughters school two days before Christmas that she had been exposed to Covid 19 and now had to isolate for 10 days. I thought if we managed to get her a test and it was negative we could…
Read MoreGood morning!
I managed a good morning routine today and I really want to try and stick too it. I woke up early and did the usual lunch boxes and cuppa tea and then meditated for ten minutes before anything else. I feel positive and motivated for it too! I said my affirmations and my morning words…
Read MoreNovelty has worn off.
Today is the last day of my first full week back to work. I have been a bit quiet recently trying to prepare myself to go back full time, I really liked my three day work week routine. It has been hard, a lot harder than two days of work I’m completely capable of should…
Read MoreSmiling brightly!
I have many reasons to smile at the moment, a roof over my head and food in the fridge, a family I love and job that needs me but I have always had one big problem with my confidence. My smile. I have extremely bad teeth, it’s embarrassing to admit to the big wide world…
Read MoreWhere do I fit in?
Do you ever remember sitting with your family, it could be over dinner or around the TV and thinking this is where I belong and these are my people. Well I never had that. As a kid I always felt like I was acting, like I was playing a part I needed to play for…
Read MoreFamily is complicated.
I love my close family so much, the unit I have around me now is loving, supportive and honest with me. I can be myself and know that I wont be judged. We are close by and miles apart but the love and connection is unbreakable. My family unit however has not always been this…
Read MoreBack to normal… For lockdown 2.0
I was so excited to go back to work this week, back to my desk and normality. Having a reason to get up and dressed and use some brain function, felt amazing! But then lockdown happened again, there has been a confirmed case of covid at my daughter’s school, not her year or her “bubble”…
Read MoreBitten in the butt!
I had a wonderful epiphany the other day, I want a room outside where I can sit in the dry, where my teenager can chill with her friends that’s not in my house so I bought a gazebo! Genius. Not so much, you live in England! I have this thing tied down in every corner,…
Read MoreFull moon energy.
I feel very mixed emotions and energies today, I’ve put it down to the full moon but I can’t be certain that’s all it is. I start second guessing and overthinking. I feel so sad and angry with no valid reason why. I feel I want to socialize and isolate all at the same time.…
Read MoreFeeling positive about moving forward.
I have been away restoring my mental health the last few weeks. It seems to be a system I need to work through every few months. Self care and reassuring myself I am on the right path. Every time I wobble I get a reminder that I am not in this alone. A sign to…
Read MoreAlone time.
I was worried when everyone went back to work that I would be lonely, that having no one with me all day was going to be bad for my mental health but I forgot how much I did love being alone. Peace and quiet to do as I please, want to read a book with…
Read MoreNight time energy….
I love it when I get a burst of energy, I don’t love it so much when it comes at 9pm. I want to clean and tidy, I want to sort and organized and everyone else wants to chill out. When I have these burst of energy during the day I know by evening the…
Read MoreComing or going? Who knows!
I have two moods at the moment and switching between the two is getting exhausting. Happy me is cool, she gets shit done and meditates, she talks to people and is positive! Moody me is draining, always bored and tired, never has any motivation to rectify this situation and expects everyone else to it all…
Read MoreNever to old.
I have been struggling with the concept of starting all over again in my 30s the last few weeks, being made redundant has made me rethink all the decisions I have made. I have a few qualifications in a few different things but I have never found the place where I have felt at home,…
Read MoreWorld mental health day.
Today is world mental health day, a day to try and be kind to everyone, we all have our demons and everyone deserves kindness. There are lots of platforms to reach out too if you are struggling. We are lucky here in the UK to have the NHS, sometimes you have to fight to be…
Read MoreAdding to my crystal collection.
As I was walking through my local town center today I spotted an unusual stool I hadn’t noticed. It had so many beautiful crystals, Himalayan salt lamps, dreamcatchers and native American pictures. I was in awe! I took it as a sign that I was due a few more crystals to help raise my vibration…
Read MoreKeeping your calm can be the best thing to do.
Today has been a test. It has tested me more than it has in a very long time but I managed to keep my cool and hold down my reaction, to talk it through reasonably and express myself the way I wanted too. The stress and emotional abuse our family has received from my mother,…
Read MoreDavid Attenborough, real legend.
I woke up this morning feeling a bit disheveled, still sleepy and unsure what to do with my day. My half asleep brain thought David Attenborough’s new documentary on Netflix would be good morning TV. As much as I love watching nature, as much as I love and respect that man so much I have…
Read MoreNot all days are good or bad, some are just meh.
All illnesses, mental or not, you have your good and bad days. with my anxiety and depression I am either super controlled and motivated, eager and willing to learn or lazy and anxious, scared of my own shadow with no desire to interact with anyone. The rollercoaster is unbearable at times. Then sometimes you have…
Read MoreFeeling supported.
There aren’t many mornings I wake up with energy so I make the most of them. I have been to town and replenished my candles as well as grabbing some incense, I have done all my housework and have the second load of washing on. It doesn’t seem like much and in the grand scheme…
Read MoreBuilding my vision board.
Another way I’m trying to help my motivation to get back to the normal world of people is a vision board, more self help books and blogs have helped me start my journal so the next thing I think will help is a vision board. On there I have; find a job and spend more…
Read MoreMoving forward.
All anyone can do in these very uncertain times is just move forward, and that is my only goal for next week, to move forward. Not be stagnant and scared, not be worried and overwhelmed. I want to make positive steps to make my life better, to try and help my mental health and get…
Read MoreNow is the time, to do what exactly?
Unfortunately I feel very much back at square 1 right now, like so many other people during these uncertain times I have been made redundant. Through no fault of anyone or anything other than the situation of the world right now, the pandemic, the virus and everything else that seems to be brewing around too.…
Read MoreSliding down to climb back up.
I am constantly reminded that my illness has a mind of its own. I have been a bit up and down the last few weeks, trying to stay motivated and keeping things running but sometimes it’s just so hard. It’s hard not to let my mood effect the people around me, it’s hard to not…
Read MoreHappy birthday blog!!
Today marks the one year anniversary of me starting my blog. I haven’t achieved every thing I wanted too but I still feel I have done something. I have lots of followers on several platforms, I have written about my everyday life by not gone into some details I wanted too. There is still time!…
Read MoreIs there a bully group chat!?
I shared my post with you guys last week about bullying, about the issues my daughter was facing and that I understood how she feels. And then I get a follow request from one of my bullies!? I had a problem with this “woman” since I was in my teens. She looks down her nose…
Read MoreI hate bullies.
Bullying can be detrimental to your mental health at any age. When you are in school and its the people you are supposed to be friends with, it can lower self esteem horribly. I have been on this journey called bullying for many years, I have experienced it, I have done it and now I…
Read MoreSunshine
It seems I am the only one I’m my country who is loving the weather right now. Don’t get me wrong sleeping is a nightmare and it’s the only time I’ve ever wished for air con in England but sunshine always makes me feel better. I slept in my garden last night for a few…
Read MoreTo be grateful…
What am i grateful for? Lots really. I have an awesome support unit with my husband, my sister, my dad and my daughter, I have a great support unit far an wide with family all over the country. I have a home I love even if I am thinking of leaving it. I am grateful…
Read MoreThe beautiful sunshine!
what is it about the sunshine that makes everything feel a bit better, and everyone want to day drink? don’t get me wrong I’m always down for a beer in the sun but unless you are on holiday and by the pool or ocean its just not the same. I miss holidays, not that I…
Read MoreEvery little helps.
I am back, who missed me? no I didn’t either. I have added a new page to my blog and I am asking all you lovely people to pop over and have a look for me, please! its for a great cause and I’m trying to help out a friend. I am doing a sponsored…
Read MoreFeeling frazzled.
I feel like I have made some important decisions in the last few days, implementing them however is not going to be easy. My book is coming, the first few chapters just seemed to flow but now I am diving into the details it is not so flowy after all! I will carry on and…
Read MoreGuess who’s writing a book…
I have started! The plan is in motion! My book has begun! I started writing at the beginning of the last weekend and got completely immersed. I’m sorry I haven’t been writing much, well on here anyway. Do you want a snippet? Just a paragraph? Ask and you shall receive. I finally have a story…
Read MoreI need a side hustle.
I have been furloughed now until October, not much work on and I work for a small business. I love my job and have no intention of leaving so I need a side hustle to make ends meet. Any recommendations? I unfortunately don’t have many qualifications on paper, not for the things I would like…
Read MoreThe gardening begins,
My personality is impulsive and impatient. Not the best combination to have when I want to learn new things or pick up a skill. I want to know it all and I want to know it now and I want to be perfect straight away. Even though I’m aware of what stupid and ridiculous pressures…
Read MoreWhere can you buy a green thumb?
Good evening world!! I am positive and have very much enjoyed my day. I walked 10,000 steps and purchased some beautiful flowers to put in my alter corner. It is alive with prettys and succulents and crystals and words…. It is my happy place. Unfortunately I do not have a green thumb, I have tried…
Read MoreClean slate
Over the last few weeks I have been sorting out the house, decluttering and removing everything I don’t need, moving things around to get the best use out of them and making our home flow a bit better. Unfortunately that resulted in a pile of old crap in the garden that needed to be thrown…
Read MoreI love the sunshine!
I feel like I must be the only one in the whole of my country who is loving this heat wave! I don’t have to leave the house, I can put a paddling pool in my garden and sit in it and drink wine, I can meditate and tan myself at the same time. Where…
Read MoreI know wasn’t alone today.
I have had an extra bit of energy today, a little helping hand with my mood. I was organized and productive, I was positive and happy, I was not lazy or snappy. Who am I? Some days you win and today was definitely a win. I Spent some time with my daughter bonding over Disney…
Read MoreI have a home office!
I feel very grown up today, all prepared and organized in my little office corner. Normally my PC is in my bedroom as I have a habit of researching things and watching videos until the early hours of the morning but now I have turned the bay window in my front room into a proper…
Read MoreA beacon of positivity
Today is a good day people âĨïļ I have woken up refreshed and alive! Ready for the week ahead and full of positivity. My cards agree too it’s my time to shine. I have a few ideas for a book now, I’m going to attempt to put them to paper, well, computer screen. See how…
Read MoreJust me and the birds again.
It is the summer solstice! It’s the day I’ve been waiting for all week. And I haven’t slept at all! I’ve been up all night watching conspiracy theories (I love a good conspiracy to solve) and I’m still rather alert at the moment, I am hoping I still am at sunset. I have my plans…
Read Morewhat is the moon doing to me!?
Today has been a struggle, I don’t know about anyone else but I have not managed to do anything productive today. I did my cards and I meditated for a little while this morning, I cooked for the fam as they still need to eat but I couldn’t manage to eat anything myself. I have…
Read MoreThankyou for being with me today.
I felt the presence of someone today, or maybe a few people or spirits. I felt like I have been guided and it has opened my heart. The more I try, the more I seem to be getting closer to something. I’m not 100% sure what it is yes but I know I’m headed in…
Read MoreThe endless possibilities, but why does my heart still hurt?
I have been trying today to take myself that step higher, that step further within my beliefs and spirituality. I have read a lot of articles surrounding the rewire your own brain formula. it is very similar to my therapy when you break it down in to basic terms, just don’t think them thoughts, don’t…
Read MoreI love the smell of rain.
I woke up this morning before the alarm went off, had a few minutes in bed to be grateful for waking up again, to be grateful for everything that I have and will have, for the raising of my vibration this morning. I can feel it. The sun was shining through the cracks in the…
Read MoreMind, Body….. control?
As I filled you all in on my morning I wont delve too deep into that. I went for a walk today, I tried to get out to a beauty spot that is about 40 minutes away from where I live but apparently I had the same idea as everyone else in my county. this…
Read MoreStarting positive!
I know it’s only 10am but I thought I would post my morning win with you all. I woke up at 9am with my alarm, made a cup of tea and read my cards for today. I need to have faith in myself and believe to achieve! I meditated for a little while and then did…
Read MoreStarting again… again.
I had told myself a fresh start was coming on Monday, although I feel like I may have had a bit of a head start today. I had felt the best I had in a long time and I feel my faith and beliefs have really given me something to focus on but like always…
Read MoreWe can’t always be peace and light.
I woke up yesterday with the full intention of only giving out good vibrations, to only receive good energy. It was working until about 2pm. I don’t know what changed other than my mood but I just couldn’t shake this angry and frustrated mood. I did the worse thing possible and thought maybe a drink…
Read MoreI found some peace today.
I finally had a good nights sleep last night, although I did kind of miss the bird song this morning. I have been a productive human, sort of. I woke up and read my cards, I tidied up a bit and did some yoga, ok, I thought about yoga but I didn’t pull myself off…
Read MoreI’m hoping I sleep tonight.
As nice at is was watching the bird song this morning I’m very much looking forward to going to bed tonight I am just hoping I can actually sleep. I don’t have a bath unfortunately and would sell a kidney for a bubble bath right now! (to clarify I have a wet room) but a…
Read MoreEarly bird and all that….
The only good thing about not sleeping all night is being able to sit in my garden with a tea and hear the birds wake up. If it was warm and sunny you could even call it perfect! Alas it’s cloudy and cold and the ground is damp from dew. But you can smell the…
Read Morethere just isn’t a cure for this shit.
My illness is deceitful, my illness is frightening, my illness is spiteful, my illness can be immobilising. My illness isn’t me. Today has been a tough day, I haven’t felt like the new version of me I have been trying to create. I made myself get up and do all the things that have helped…
Read MoreSelf care and food!
As promised I have felt very fragile today, the alcohol went down very nicely coupled with the BBQ food. the weather didn’t really hold out but I was able to collect some rain water for my Alter, so silver lining and all that, plus I enjoyed a little time out in the rain, it was…
Read MoreStrawberry moon and my birthday.
It is my birthday tomorrow, just another day once you get passed a certain age, just a reminder you should be another year wiser. I have grown this year at least, spent a lot of time learning who I really was and still making revelations today! therapy and counselling, medication and meditation, making decisions that…
Read MoreA little bit of this and that.
It has been an interesting day today, I woke up late again even after setting two alarms. I didn’t want to use my brain, it just wasn’t feeling up to it so I loaded my favourite game on the computer and let my mind melt in the building and decorating of beautiful homes I will…
Read MoreEnjoying the sunshine.
Today’s weather has been absolutely incredible! so warm with a light breeze with all the birds and bees busy working about their days. I seem to have found my motivation today or was just blessed in my sleep. I woke up at a reasonable time this morning and hade a cup of tea whilst reading…
Read MoreNot feeling it today.
I woke up late again today, that seems to be a indicator as to whether my day will be good or bad. I had no energy and no motivation but I made myself do at least a few of the things I said I would, tidy up under the stairs and go for a walk…
Read MoreJust another day today.
I haven’t done anything special today, I haven’t meditated or gone for a walk, I haven’t done any exercise or read a book. What I have done is totally clean my house from top to bottom, I’m lucky and get a hand with these things but my sister wasn’t feeling her best today so I…
Read MoreHow the Lockdown Has changed me.
The first few weeks of the lockdown I thought I could finally catch up on the sleep I had felt I was missing, 14, 16 hours in bed however is not a normal sleeping pattern. I finally realised after waking up around 4pm two days in a row and then proceeding to stay awake for…
Read MoreHereditary illness’s and how I deal.
Knowing that your feelings and emotions are playing tricks on you is one thing but when you see someone you love feeling that way and there isn’t anything you can do about it, it hurts! It makes you feel helpless. You can’t explain your illness to someone else experiencing Thier own interpretation of the illness.…
Read MoreWorking from home…. WooHoo!!
So like everyone else in this uncertain time I have been quarantined to my house. for me this isn’t a issue, I spend most of my time here and this is my safe bubble. people come in when I say and people leave me alone when I say. for people like my sister and my…
Read MoreSomething Else to talk about.
I have been thinking lately as much as I want to help others with sharing how I feel, it also doesn’t give me much to write about without feeling a bit self centred. So I’m hoping to share some ideas of things I like and review them in a way. Any suggestions would also be…
Read MoreSorry I’ve been missing… I’m working on myself.
Welcome back to another insight the darkness of my soul. The most powerful emotion that likes to eat at my insides during my days of depression is the guilt. You don’t want to do anything or be anywhere so you hide in the dark and let the guilt of you not doing what your supposed…
Read MoreThe silver lining
I’m sorry I’ve not written in a while, I took some time out for self care, took myself away for a few days of laughing, drinking and a lot of walking! Every once in a while when you have been using your techniques, keeping up with your medication and taking time for yourself you do…
Read MoreBad moods you just can’t shake.
Hi again! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, today I want to talk about my moods, of which I have no control lately! Why is it when you say you want to be left alone everyone automatically assumes your pissed off with them? I’m not pissed at you I’m pissed at me,…
Read MoreMoving forward not backwards.
Welcome back to another insight into my crazy brain. I have told you how I feel on my down days and how I feel on my good days. I’ve spoken about the steps I’ve taken and I have only just begun on my mental health awareness and healing so I’m hoping to share this whole…
Read MoreGood days and bad days.
Hey, if your reading this again. Thanks! That means I’m not as crazy as I think I am. Someone related! I want to carry on with my description of how it feels to live on a day to day basis. I want to just explain what I’ve done to try and help myself with my…
Read MoreWelcome to my blog!
This is my blog about living with depression and anxiety. I’m hoping sharing my story will help myself make some sort of sense about my life and health etc but I’m also hoping if I can help one person get help, move forward or just open up to someone about how they feel it will…
Read MoreWelcome to my thoughts.
Thanks for joining me! Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better ~ Albert Einstein
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