It’s been a real tough few months for me, for no particular reason other than things aren’t progressing as quickly as I want them too and I’ve not been able to get back in my healthy routine, but I have really struggled.
I have done my usual bad coping mechanisms and retreated inside of myself and not wanted to be around anyone or do anything, instead of using my tools from therapy and taken steps to feel better I’ve let myself slip.
It is good that I can recognize my unhealthy pattern but makes me feel so much more worthless knowing I can’t use it as well to help myself out, so I reached out to my Dr and therapist again. I need help and I beg anyone else who is feeling low or lost to do the same. If you can’t reach them there are many online people to talk to in a crisis and I will add some links at the bottom.
Reaching out means getting stronger, it means stepping forward. As they say a problem shared is a problem halved. I know what I need to do and now it’s just a case.of being patient with myself and patient with the world and have faith it will all work out in the end. Blessed be 💜
I have taken this from a friend on Facebook, I didn’t write it but it has some very good techniques.
Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you gotta.
Moisturize everything. Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Poundshop lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis.
Put on clean, comfortable clothes.
Put on your favorite underwear. Those ridiculous boxers you were bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on? Put them on. Cute black lacy jobs? What ever. you know.
Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost. I always use a chunk of lime.
Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink.
Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.
Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s basic. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.
Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, colour a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create.
Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.
Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps.
Cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out, anything.
May seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive.
*** At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that.
Find something to be grateful for!
I am trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening. #SuicideAwareness #HaveARealConversation
Having family that lives miles away can really suck sometimes, we can talk and facetime but it’s not the same as a real hug.
Being able to plan a few days away to see them all and spend time with them is awesome but when that falls on my birthday weekend it’s going to be carnage!!
There will be lots of laughs and lots of drinks, plenty of catch ups and probably a few tears but I am so excited!
I haven’t managed to stick to the healthy routine this week but I have got up everyday and done what has been needed and not felt like I have a black cloud over my head, probably because I have some thing to look forward to.
Back to normal next week with the diploma’s and meditation but for now I’m just enjoying the excitement bubbling all around! Blessed be 💜
Not me, the blog! I have changed the themes and colours, added some bits and removed some others. That’s the beauty of writing a personal blog, full creative control!
I always find these random places I want to visit or go too, a picture or story I find on the web which leads to a quick Google search and half an hour later I’m reading about myths and legends from centuries ago.
I have added a new page about my visit to Hever Castle last year and I really want to try and do some more about the places I visit and walks I go on. I love the history of my surroundings and enjoy learning new things.
I’m hoping I can become an amateur archaeologists one day, writing to make money and living in a van. It’s a dream! But for now I’m just soaking up as much information as is available and looking forward to my next new adventure! Blessed be 💜
I hate feeling stuck, like no matter what decisions I make or how much effort I put into things I will always be in the same place doing the same thing for eternity.
I don’t know how to change my life around, I don’t know how to start again or give myself some meaning. I have great ideas but it always feels like nothing fits. I feel empty.
My routine has slipped and my sleeping is shit again, I’m overthinking every situation and fighting the urge to stay in bed all day every day. I know that a routine works for me so why do I find it so hard to implement one?
It all just gets a bit overwhelming at times, the possibility of being and doing anything and then the realisation Im not capable. For now I just need to concentrate on putting one foot Infront of the other and getting through the day. Blessed be 💜
If you haven’t noticed by now I like to change my mind a lot, I like to learn a lot and I like to give myself unrealistic expectations.
So with that I enrolled in an archaeology diploma! I’ve already completed two assesments with a pass mark of 100% and I’m so excited for the rest. I understand this does nothing for my career prospects but for my confidence and learning capacity it’s great!!
There are several other courses I have put on my wishlist that could help with making money so they will be the next step.
I’m still trying to move home although getting to the area I want is proving very difficult, I may have to broaden the search and hope for the best. The driving license isn’t any closer either every time I save up something happens and I need to spend the money, I’m still hoping on the lottery win.
I have plans, big plans that I want to do but wether or not I get there is down to me, I need to put the work in and I need to stop just saying these things but actually doing them! To the first step if many! Blessed be 💜
I’m exhausted, not because I haven’t slept properly just because I feel like Im being drained.
I’m exhausted of constantly battling the thoughts in my head, I’m exhausted of trying to be positive and grateful when every part of my being just wants to crawl in a dark space and hide. I’m exhausted of overthinking every decision I make so I just don’t do anything, if it doesn’t get started I can’t fuck it up.
I have kept to my routine as much as physically possible this week, I have made myself move, talk and walk yet this cloud will not go away. I can’t go to the dark place of hiding and not moving because will I ever move again?
I am asking for any positivity and energy that can be sent my way, I have my crystals and will meditate for five mins every time I feel myself fall today. Blessed be 💜
The thing with depression and anxiety is it’s very much and ebb and flow. You can have days, weeks or months of feeling in control and that you are moving forward then one day it all feels wrong.
You start overthinking everything, you start judging yourself and how everyone else sees you and without even realising your back in your bed hiding under the covers not wanting to be anywhere. I have said many times before that a routine is what works for me. It helps me feel in control and I understand what I need from myself everyday and take the time to take care of myself so why do I let it slip? Fuck knows.
It feels like it happens so quickly but in reality it takes a few days of not doing the routine to really throw you off. I have given myself today to get it out, to let myself cry and scream and release everything I feel has built up so I can go back to my routine tomorrow. Any positive energy you guys could send me today would be gratefully received. Blessed be 💜