I am a 30 something mother of one who has the fantastic privilege of being a sufferer of not only anxiety but also depression. I love my life on the good days as I have a fantastic husband, wonderful support unit and a job I enjoy. Them bad days are all kinds of arseholes though!
I have begun my Spiritual Journey and am like a kid in a Sweet shop! everything is new and exciting, everything is making me feel all sorts of new ways. I’m researching a lot and would like to share my journey with you all from the very start.
So a little background for this first one, let’s get to know me. I’m a 30 something mother of one, married and I have a good job. I’ve reached a point in my life I have always strived for, the stable and loving environment I have around me right now yet this is the point my depression and anxiety is at is worst. Why? Fuck knows maybe we can find out together!!
I’ve had therapy, I take medication I go to work I take care of my house and my bills and my family yet there are days I can’t get out of bed. Days I’m sobbing for no apparent reason yet I can’t stop, there are two types of crying days and I’m hoping I’m not the only one. Sobbing, can’t move, snot all over my face and just want to hide away from everyone in the dark days and days where I’m trying, so fucking hard to do the things I need to do, to carry on with the things I did yesterday or last week with no problems what so ever. Yet there are tears flowing down my cheeks and I can’t stop them. There just there while I’m working, eating, cleaning it doesn’t matter. And them days suck. Meet depression.
Anxiety days suck too. I don’t want to leave my house, I feel isolated and exposed at the same time, I don’t feel safe. Sometimes there are reasons for feeling like this, pressure from someone about something or a big change that I know is going to happen. But sometimes there is no reason at all, like depression it has a mind of its own. It makes my heart race and my hands sweat, it’s different to depression as in it feels more physical, depression I know is in my head, it’s a battle with my brain I can understand that but my anxiety feels different in a way more intense as I just can’t function. It makes me feel frozen within myself and that’s hard to explain or talk myself out of. It physical and it’s fucking frightening.
So that’s me, that’s how I feel on a day to day basis and I’m hoping someone can relate.
All the words written in my blog are my own opinions, any information I have shared is an interpretation of my own research and reading unless I have referenced something or someone specifically, then I will give the original author’s name and or blog. I’m still new to this and am finding my feet in the blog world, a small fish in a big pond that would like to have her voice heard. Any images used within this page have been taken by myself or taken from Google images and I do not own the rights to any of the Google images. I would like to think this is a safe space for anyone who doesn’t feel like they fit in anywhere, maybe we can not fit in together? I haven’t found my place in the world yet but I am enjoying trying new things and opening my mind up to all sorts of new ideas, people and information.