What if…..

Sometimes when you feel stuck it’s because you are. Stuck in the idea of what you thought you should want, stuck in the dream of wanting what you can’t have and worst if all stuck inside your own mind!

As much as I try to be a positive person I know my mentality is mainly pessimistic, I have trust issues not only with people around me but with myself. Do I know what I want? Will I still want it if I get it? What if it’s worse than I imagined? What if? what if… what if!!

The only way to be unstuck is to change and the only way to change is to commit, another issue of mine. I know I’m selfish, I know I put my feelings before others but I also try really hard to be a decent person, I try to be honest to the point I’ve been called brutally honest at times but I would rather that than be called fake, although I know I have also been that at times too.

When you know something isn’t right for you why continue to convince yourself it’s all you ever dreamed of!? It was a goal and it was reached so time to set new ones. I feel like a walking contradiction so no wonder I can’t trust myself. I talk myself round in circles!

I can’t tell what is my gut and what is anxiety anymore, I don’t know if my feelings are my feelings or my depression, how am I supposed to differentiate between mental health and my personality!? Who the fuck am I!?

I’ve decided to take one day at a time, be honest all the time and aim for what I enjoy! If it makes me happy do it and if it doesn’t then put boundaries around it. Blessed be πŸ’œ

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.