Alone time.

I was worried when everyone went back to work that I would be lonely, that having no one with me all day was going to be bad for my mental health but I forgot how much I did love being alone.

Peace and quiet to do as I please, want to read a book with no interruptions, go ahead! Want to bake lots of goodies and feel fat? Do that too! Want a nap in the afternoon after a walk in the woods? Why not! Just me and my spirit guides chilling.

It’s nice when everyone gets home too, I miss them and want to hear all about their days, I want to make dinner and listen to all the stories. It’s going to be so different when I go back to work.

I still don’t know what’s going on with work for me, applying for lots of different jobs and trying to get back to normality even if I really don’t want too. I must remember all I have learnt about self care and managing my anxiety for when I enter society again.

Sending love and light to all who need it, requesting motivation and energy to all who can spare it. Blessed be πŸ’œ

Night time energy….

I love it when I get a burst of energy, I don’t love it so much when it comes at 9pm. I want to clean and tidy, I want to sort and organized and everyone else wants to chill out.

When I have these burst of energy during the day I know by evening the whole house will smell and look amazing, I’m always concerned it just means I will be awake all night when it arrives late.

I’m not sure what to do at this time to use my energy that doesn’t involve me being awake at midnight. I can’t sit still to read a book or meditate I could paint or draw I guess but that still involves sitting still. Can I justify sorting out all the towels and bed sheets etc….

I will start small and hope I’m not still pottering around at 1am. If anyone has any craft ideas feel free to send me some links! Blessed be πŸ’œ

Coming or going? Who knows!

I have two moods at the moment and switching between the two is getting exhausting. Happy me is cool, she gets shit done and meditates, she talks to people and is positive! Moody me is draining, always bored and tired, never has any motivation to rectify this situation and expects everyone else to it all for her but without her having to communicate a thing!

I can start the day one way and end the other but trying to purposefully change them, impossible! I have to remind myself to catch my negative thoughts, I’m constantly analysing every word that flows through my brain to the point I can’t tell what’s right and what’s made up.

This is where therapy and self care come into saving me from my mental health, being my escape from my own brain. Meditation is best for this but it’s not always possible to get into the right mind set, you have to think of it as training. It’s a muscle you need to make strong to be able to use it to it’s best potential so don’t be hard on yourself if it takes a while to figure it out, I’m still learning every time.

If you are struggling then take some time out for yourself, tell yourself you need to time to recharge. Take a hot bath or read a book or article you have been wanting too. Go for a walk to somewhere you have never been before or your favourite spot, just be in nature for a while. There are so many ways that you can self care just find the ones you enjoy and take time to really enjoy them, savour them and in your times of need, revisit them.

Thank you for reading more of my ramblings, if I struggle to figure myself out I do wonder what you all must think? Today I send you all love and light, positive energy and acceptance. Whoever you are and wherever you are, love yourself! Blessed be πŸ’œ

Never to old.

I have been struggling with the concept of starting all over again in my 30s the last few weeks, being made redundant has made me rethink all the decisions I have made. I have a few qualifications in a few different things but I have never found the place where I have felt at home, am I searching for a concept that doesn’t exist? I have heard from varied people that the key to life is being able to be payed for what you love.

Unfortunately for me the fields of interest I have don’t really reward a big payday unless you train from a young age and end up lecturing at a university, other than me writing a best selling book I’m going to have to go back to the grind of a 9-5 job. With applying for benefits to try and help me through this time to pay the bills i have come across something that makes me excited, something i really was not expecting!

I am entitled to some free courses at my local college to train in a new career, to get some skills and help myself get into something I might enjoy, carpentry! I like to build things but do not have many skills, I like to pretty things up and take things apart and this will help with that skill, it is something I can do self employed so can work the hours I need. It is the most random skill I could have picked, especially knowing in my lifetime I have been a retail staff member, a nursery nurse, bar staff, a chef, pub manager, a tech records assistant and now carpenter, why not!

this is the first time in a long time I’m excited about something that isn’t my spirituality path and I can not wait to get started! wish me luck, Blessed be

World mental health day.

Today is world mental health day, a day to try and be kind to everyone, we all have our demons and everyone deserves kindness.

There are lots of platforms to reach out too if you are struggling. We are lucky here in the UK to have the NHS, sometimes you have to fight to be heard but please don’t stop fighting. Talking to anyone can help, the Samaritans or mind or even a friend.

Whatever you are struggling with you are not alone, there is help available for you, you just need to reach out. I know that in itself can be terrifying but think of it as the first step back to you.

We are strong, we are worth all the love that we receive and give ourselves. Blessed be. πŸ’œ

Adding to my crystal collection.

As I was walking through my local town center today I spotted an unusual stool I hadn’t noticed. It had so many beautiful crystals, Himalayan salt lamps, dreamcatchers and native American pictures. I was in awe! I took it as a sign that I was due a few more crystals to help raise my vibration and cheer me up.

I bought some beautiful raw emerald, pyrite, aquamarine, selenite stick, purple howler and and a beautiful agate slice of amythyst which I gave to my daughter. Coming home and adding them to my collection makes me feel good, when I wake up tomorrow and say my affirmation I have more sparkling items to make me smile.

I need to ensure I’m completing my morning routine everyday as I really notice the difference when I don’t. It’s my new form of self sabotage it seems, I will beat this and I will gain control again. I can only be responsible for myself and my own reactions and as long as I am aware and trying to make a difference for my future then I’m proud!! Blessed be πŸ’œ

David Attenborough, real legend.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit disheveled, still sleepy and unsure what to do with my day. My half asleep brain thought David Attenborough’s new documentary on Netflix would be good morning TV.

As much as I love watching nature, as much as I love and respect that man so much I have realised, we as humans suck. It is really hard to have one part of me that’s wants to bring us all together, to teach and inform every generation of mistakes made and problems solved. Yet another part of me hates people, I hate confrontation and uncomfortable situations, I hate expressing myself to be belittled and looked at like I’m crazy.

I don’t know what world I’m leaving to my daughter but all I can do is my part. I am a very small fish in an ocean but I’m trying! Adding this to the pressure already constantly in my head is not good but also necessary. I just don’t know what to do that can make a difference. Any ideas? Blessed be.

Not all days are good or bad, some are just meh.

All illnesses, mental or not, you have your good and bad days. with my anxiety and depression I am either super controlled and motivated, eager and willing to learn or lazy and anxious, scared of my own shadow with no desire to interact with anyone. The rollercoaster is unbearable at times.

Then sometimes you have what I call meh days. No motivation to move yet my brain is going 100 miles an hour, the need to express myself either through writing or drawing, creating or even cleaning can curb the urge. I don’t have the depression chatting shit in my ear, or the anxiety eating me from the inside out I just cant be bothered to human, I cant be the only one?

I think today is the day for curling up with a book, or playing games building pretty houses to keep my mind occupied but my bottom firmly on a chair at all times! Remembering to complete the steps on my vision board and keep my heart and mind open. Blessed be.

Feeling supported.

There aren’t many mornings I wake up with energy so I make the most of them. I have been to town and replenished my candles as well as grabbing some incense, I have done all my housework and have the second load of washing on.

It doesn’t seem like much and in the grand scheme of things its not but for me it is a win! I am still looking for work, still unsure of what I actually want to do. I am still trying to find my yoga routine a slot but it seems to differ each day.

I want to share some of the positive energy I have today with you all, I want to help anyone struggling to human today. You are amazing, you are worth all the love you receive and you are not alone. Blessed be.

Moving forward.

All anyone can do in these very uncertain times is just move forward, and that is my only goal for next week, to move forward. Not be stagnant and scared, not be worried and overwhelmed. I want to make positive steps to make my life better, to try and help my mental health and get my life back to me being in control, or at least as much control as everyone else has right now.

My first plan is to start my daily journal, I have always said my journal is not private as I write my thoughts and feelings down here for everyone to read but I think I need a daily, private and just for me to reflect journal. I have been reading another wonderful book called the witch’s book of self care by Arin Murphy-Hiscock that has lovely ideas for a journal, how you can plan one out so even on days that nothing happens you have things to enter. I am going to start my new journal ritual in the morning when i light my candles and say my Affirmation.

The weather hasn’t been helping the situation either, I have never thought of my self as having seasonal depression as it has always been with me but I can definitely understand the basis of it, the sunshine really does make everything better. I do enjoy a walk in the rain sometimes but I am not a big fan of the cold so if it is windy too I’m out!

Moving forward no matter how small the steps are still counts, even if all you managed to do was get up, dressed and eat something then you have covered your basics, just try again tomorrow to add one more thing to the list, apply for a few jobs on your phone, tidy up the house a bit or do some washing. As long as your moving forward you are trying and I’m proud of you. Blessed Be.

Now is the time, to do what exactly?

Unfortunately I feel very much back at square 1 right now, like so many other people during these uncertain times I have been made redundant. Through no fault of anyone or anything other than the situation of the world right now, the pandemic, the virus and everything else that seems to be brewing around too. I have been trying really hard to keep up my routine, to find some solace in anything I can to stop me falling into the darkness.

The whole idea of job searching is exhausting and terrifying. The process of meeting new people and putting myself out in a world I feel I haven’t really been a part of since last year has my anxiety so high. The idea of the world that is out there, the world I am raising my family in is also just as terrifying. Depression seems to like that one, it keeps asking what my intentions are when the whole world falls apart, I don’t have any!? die with the masses I guess…. and there is it’s reason to get me into bed and just not bother.

Where is my drive? Where is the woman who was fearless and an adrenaline junkie? who loved a challenge and fought hard for the things she believed in? I don’t know anymore. I thought she was still in there somewhere, I thought she had found her feet again and was getting ready to stand tall but when I need her the most she’s hiding in the pit of my stomach screaming at me! Square one again.

With trying to stay positive I have updated my CV which at least makes me sound like a productive member of society who is capable of holding down a job, I have considered higher education at the ripe old age of 33, A levels in English and History as they are my two passions in life and to carry on with my spiritual learning, still wanting to find someone to connect with on this, to help guide me, as with everything now I just feel lost.

Now is the perfect time for me to decide what it is exactly I want to do, what makes me happy? what would mix my passions and be able to make me an income? or is that asking too much? do I focus on myself and my mental health first and worry about work later? do I just get a job for now and figure things out along the way? do I make a plan and stick to it to further my education?

For now I’m going to apply for a few jobs I really am interested in hoping my new updated CV gets me a look, I am then going to make a hot cup of tea, find a comfy spot and read some self care books. I have increased my collection substantially over the last few months, so much so I have had to purchase a new bookcase to store all my books together, better get reading! Blessed be and thankyou for reading, all of your support and nice comments really makes me feel I have a purpose, if 1 person can read and relate to what my crazy brain spits out I feel a little less isolated.

Happy birthday blog!!

Today marks the one year anniversary of me starting my blog. I haven’t achieved every thing I wanted too but I still feel I have done something.

I have lots of followers on several platforms, I have written about my everyday life by not gone into some details I wanted too. There is still time! I have raised over Β£100 for charity by doing a 8 mile walk and I have boosted my confidence.

I shared my spiritual journey with you all and have several pages within my blog for inspirational meme’s, things I enjoy doing and the charity walk I have done. If you could all just visit my page, add a comment and help me make year two the year I take off!! I have so much still to share with you all and can’t wait to see what year two brings.

Thank you all so much for being with me during this difficult time, thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings and comment on my questions, it really does mean everything to me! Blessed be πŸ’œ

I hate bullies.

Bullying can be detrimental to your mental health at any age. When you are in school and its the people you are supposed to be friends with, it can lower self esteem horribly. I have been on this journey called bullying for many years, I have experienced it, I have done it and now I am witnessing it being done to my daughter daily without any means to stop it or help her get through it.

When it first began I did what any normal parent would do and I spoke to the school she was in, they moved her around classes and took her out of the form tutor she was in to remove her from the bully’s line of fire but it still continued. I then removed her from this school entirely as it was getting to the point she was having anxiety attacks on the way to school for fear of violence, threats or constant name calling.

Once she had settled in to her new school and had made a couple of friends that when the harassment started online. They could no longer get to her at school and she had withdrawn from going out to socialise so the online harassment continued.

Several months had passed under lockdown and it seemed that had new things to entertain themselves with yet one week ago it all began again…. constant name calling and put downs, messaging friends and family because she had blocked them all on every level and every platform so at my wits end I called the police. The officers that came to our house and sat and read through all of the messages were lovely, very sympathetic and tried very hard to remind my daughter that she has just as much right to go out and have fun as they do. I can not express my gratitude to these two officers enough, my daughter felt comfortable enough opening up to them and talking to them about her issues and they told her that they would always be there to protect her if she needed it.

I wish I could sit here and tell you everything is wonderful now but it isn’t, they still walk past the house shouting things at her window, they still talk about her to anyone they can and they still insist on messaging her friends. I am just hoping that it eases the pressure of my daughter for a while, that she feels she can go out and socialize without fear of violence or threats. My only concern is her, how she feels and what ways she can express herself without fear of ridicule or second guessing everything she does because a hurtful group of girls just don’t know when to quit, I just try to tell her you can only control yourself, you are not responsible for their actions, only your own, just be the good, kind and caring person you are and the right people for you will find there way.

Is there any other way I could have handled this? does anyone have any advice? I feel the police was my last straw and if it doesn’t stop where do I go from here? I feel a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place. Blessed Be.

The beautiful sunshine!

what is it about the sunshine that makes everything feel a bit better, and everyone want to day drink? don’t get me wrong I’m always down for a beer in the sun but unless you are on holiday and by the pool or ocean its just not the same. I miss holidays, not that I can afford one right now but the idea of planning one sounds amazing.

Instead I have had another wonderful idea, I’m going to move miles away from my home town and start a new life by the sea! great idea, pain in the arse to sort out. I am actually one of the lucky people that has a council house to swap the problem is finding someone who wants to move away from there beautiful little sea side town to my not so nice and near an airport town. I think I will be waiting a while.

so for now I can concentrate on getting my driving license, saving for a car and getting myself ready for the charity walk in September. if you haven’t already please can you pop over to my website, on my homepage I have all the information on Jacobs Journey and how you can help me, help an little boy in need. Blessed Be.

Feeling frazzled.

I feel like I have made some important decisions in the last few days, implementing them however is not going to be easy. My book is coming, the first few chapters just seemed to flow but now I am diving into the details it is not so flowy after all!

I will carry on and try to make some sense and flow to my story, I like the language and the story I have planned but like the rest of my life its the details that are screwing me over, and my impatient nature. I am my own worst enemy sometimes. Then I start to question everything and it all doesn’t make sense again, when can you tell the difference between your own intuition and the fears and reactions of your mental illness? not asking for a friend.

everything I want to do and aim at doing requires me to be motivated, for me to make decisions and stick with them and work hard because your dreams and wishes don’t just fall in your lap, but where do I begin? I have put myself out there, I have asked for help, I have applied and opened myself up so much more than I would do normally.

For now I will just keep doing what I’m doing, keep moving forward and trying to figure out what it is I actually want and how I am going to achieve these things, oh and writing my book. Blessed Be.

I need a side hustle.

I have been furloughed now until October, not much work on and I work for a small business. I love my job and have no intention of leaving so I need a side hustle to make ends meet. Any recommendations?

I unfortunately don’t have many qualifications on paper, not for the things I would like to do on the side. Writing mainly other than my blog and my passion for ideas I don’t really have much to offer, I have no skill. But… my plants are still alive, going into week two and I have no brown leaves and no droopy flowers, I’m looking good so far!

Its been a mixed day of feelings today, I have been up and down like a rollercoaster but luckily I have had my crazy daughter making me smile, she is hilarious sometimes. My reminder that there is always something to work and to fight for, to remind me that there is always a pair of eyes watching me and she learns from me. I must be good and do good, to be able to raise good, and she is amazing.

I am off to meditate on todays mixed emotions and give thanks for the love and support that I have, to give thanks for the beautiful soul that saved my life in so many ways, the only one who calls me mum. Blessed be.

The gardening begins,

My personality is impulsive and impatient. Not the best combination to have when I want to learn new things or pick up a skill. I want to know it all and I want to know it now and I want to be perfect straight away. Even though I’m aware of what stupid and ridiculous pressures I am putting on myself I still get frustrated when it takes me a while to understand or learn new things.

The growing my garden from scratch wasn’t working so I resorted to buying flowers and creating a indoor garden space, I just have to keep them alive and that really cant be that hard if I’m trying right!? water them once on cold days and twice on hot days, just a little spritz to make the earth damp, don’t create a puddle. talk to them and let them know I love them. I have raised a child, kept a Husband alive for 8 whole years and had several cats so why are plants so different?

The back garden space is a lot cleaner and clearer now, I have power washed both the small patios and whacked back all the weeds and stinging nettles. I have a small wild flower garden spaced off at the back where I have been putting lots of seeds down, I’m hoping its going to be a beautiful small meadow next year! its still not done and no where near an outside oasis but at least it looks like a maintained plain back garden now, oh! and I got a small orange tree, its the cutest little thing I have ever seen!

Please visit my site and see my other pages, I have inspirational meme’s and pages of things I have learnt. I am going to write a gardening page and put up some pictures of my little indoor oasis so if you are interested please pop over and say hi! Blessed Be.

I love the sunshine!

I feel like I must be the only one in the whole of my country who is loving this heat wave! I don’t have to leave the house, I can put a paddling pool in my garden and sit in it and drink wine, I can meditate and tan myself at the same time. Where is the worry in this? I understand its hot, and too anyone who had to leave the house in this heat, I hope you stayed hydrated and I will try to send you some energy to get you back to the cool shade if you need it. Summer has been and always shall be, my favourite season!

Positive vibes just seem to shine from me when I’m in the sunshine, even more if I’m in a pool and then turning to radiation when you add in sandy beaches, cocktails and beautiful scenery. I want a holiday but I will settle for the warmth of the sun in my garden for now.

New succulents are on order among a few new witchy bits, Etsy is great for these things but bad for my bank balance. I love supporting small businesses and always feel that things from them have that little extra bit of love. I am going to enjoy the weather and the heat, feel the love and warmth of the Goddess all around me today, I am so grateful for the positivity I have received and will send it back out with a little loved wrapped around. If you need it just like or comment and I will send you all some love. Blessed Be.

I know wasn’t alone today.

I have had an extra bit of energy today, a little helping hand with my mood. I was organized and productive, I was positive and happy, I was not lazy or snappy. Who am I? Some days you win and today was definitely a win. I Spent some time with my daughter bonding over Disney films and how much Maths sucks, why teach one way then change it all around? I don’t know the way they teach you, only the way I know!

The weather was beautiful and I managed to meditate in the garden for a while, until I could feel the sun begin to burn my head, I filled up the small paddling pool we have in anticipation for the hot weather due, cue good old English rain.

Thank you for all the positive vibes you guys have been sending back I truly am feeling them, I know I am not alone and I have people watching over me and people on my side. tomorrow is about giving back in any way I can, to the birds or the children, the support unit or total strangers. we need a bit more nice in the world. Blessed be.

I have a home office!

I feel very grown up today, all prepared and organized in my little office corner. Normally my PC is in my bedroom as I have a habit of researching things and watching videos until the early hours of the morning but now I have turned the bay window in my front room into a proper little office. I can watch the world go by and it is a sun trap so its nice and warm, plus, the best bit is I can still fit the cat stand in here so I have my office and my cats! win win!

I have come along way with my blog this month, I have grown my followers and have had a lot more interaction, I have refined my page to the best of my ability and am sharing things I really care about but I just don’t know how to take it to the next level? I have noticed some of the blogs I follow have hundreds and thousands of followers, how do I do that? is it just time that allows that many? is there a trick I am missing? would someone have any tips and tricks I should know?

Any interaction or advice anyone has please feel free to comment and let me know! I’m sending out positive vibes to anyone who needs them today, I am feeling supported and enlightened today and would like to share it with anyone who needs some. Blessed Be.

what is the moon doing to me!?

Today has been a struggle, I don’t know about anyone else but I have not managed to do anything productive today. I did my cards and I meditated for a little while this morning, I cooked for the fam as they still need to eat but I couldn’t manage to eat anything myself. I have always had a strange relationship with food, I either eat it all or have two bites and say I’m done, and today I couldn’t even manage one bite, I just done feel right. I feel sick and lethargic, I feel stressed but with no real reason to be and my anxiety has been driving me nuts today! hands constantly sweating and my heart just deciding to race for no reason. I feel tired but I cant sleep. I have written out so many messages today and just decided not to send them, I know the mood I’m in I would snap at someone who doesn’t deserve it just because of my mood, so I just avoided all contact today, you know the saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all” well that’s todays moto.

I know the moon is in retrograde, I know that emotions are running high everywhere right now and the world doesn’t need another grumpy opinion so I’ve stayed pretty quiet today. I want to send out positive vibes and I want to send out good feelings but I cant even share that with myself today. Its been a struggle but there is tomorrow. Blessed Be.

Thankyou for being with me today.

I felt the presence of someone today, or maybe a few people or spirits. I felt like I have been guided and it has opened my heart. The more I try, the more I seem to be getting closer to something. I’m not 100% sure what it is yes but I know I’m headed in the right direction at least.

I wanted to but the ingredients to make pasties and a big sausage roll on Saturday for the solstice. Comfort food is the way to go, but then my oven broke, I can’t fix it or replace it right now so I wont be baking anything anytime soon. I can however go to the fresh bakers across the road from me as the make lovely pastry’s. Innovative dinner ideas from now on, although I am lucky I still have a stove top, a grill and a BBQ.

In the Grimoire I have, that has become my new best friend has lovely recipes and ideas for the solstice and I am super excited to be part of something. I have various platforms I can watch the celebrations on and am still debating whether or not to visit Stonehenge on Saturday. I have no idea if I can, who would be there? are we allowed to the path around Stonehenge? It is a silly idea in this time? I would just like to reach out to like minded people and have a face to face conversation with someone who understands what I’m talking about. I don’t know but I really want too. Regardless I will be eating, dancing and making blessing’s for all my nearest and dearest, I will be letting go of all the negativity and opening myself up for the fresh start and new beginning. Blessed Be.

The endless possibilities, but why does my heart still hurt?

I have been trying today to take myself that step higher, that step further within my beliefs and spirituality. I have read a lot of articles surrounding the rewire your own brain formula. it is very similar to my therapy when you break it down in to basic terms, just don’t think them thoughts, don’t give them your energy. It all sounds so simple but it is what works. With meditation and belief, opening up your heart and your mind and just accepting who you are. understanding no one is perfect but we should always be kind, that just because you don’t agree with someone’s way of thinking, if it doesn’t affect anyone, then you have no right to judge. Maybe I’m wrong?

I don’t normally comment on hate post’s on social media, I am not the argue through the screen type normally, well to be honest I tend to shy away from conflict completely unless it is absolutely necessary but I always try to stand my ground. I watched a video earlier, an amazing young boy was doing a makeup tutorial and he was good, I mean, make up artist/ drag queen perfection! he had talent! I was in awe of him for the entirety of the video and couldn’t help but notice the top comment, it was awful The hate and judgement and bullying of this poor boy for doing what he obviously loves. It really makes my heart hurt, and that’s what I said. I was no prepared for the comments I would get!

It makes sad and worried for humanity sometimes. The hate and judgement and nasty comments from people who dont even know this boy. That’s enought internet for today. I just wanted to share this to put out some love, to give anyone who is reading this a little piece of my energy to help with your day, to share good thoughts and positive vibes as the world really needs more of that. Blessed be.

Mind, Body….. control?

As I filled you all in on my morning I wont delve too deep into that. I went for a walk today, I tried to get out to a beauty spot that is about 40 minutes away from where I live but apparently I had the same idea as everyone else in my county. this place is beautiful, I really wish I had pictures to share but hopefully soon. so instead we went for a drive, it was nice just have the window down and the wind blowing my hair, we had the music up and it was lovely. I’m very lucky to have my sister and her car around when I get these good but bad ideas, I mean I’m lucky to have her in general but especially that she listens to my crazy schemes.

I came home and meditated, I planned out the pieces I needed for my ritual on Saturday and managed to get all my washing done, like everything! dried and folded. not put away but a win is a win. I have been very focused on my mental health and making myself feel better I feel sometimes I neglect the people around me. I don’t mean too, I just get so focused on my thoughts, or ignoring them more to the point, I can only understand when I’m told. I’m either all or nothing, them or me and that’s a balance I’m struggling with at the moment. is that normal? am I selfish? a question I constantly ask myself.

All I can do, and all I do is ask everyone all the time if they are ok, if there is anything I can do. So much so I think I just get automatic responses now. I just hope the people around me know I am there for them like I know they are there for me. I watched a very interesting program this evening about rewiring your own brain, that re-fire means rewire I cant go to much into detail as its late and this is a lot of information to digest but I’m very interested, can I change my thought process? can I rewire it to make me happy and to achieve? is it really that simple? I guess there is only one way to find out. Blessed be.

Starting again… again.

I had told myself a fresh start was coming on Monday, although I feel like I may have had a bit of a head start today. I had felt the best I had in a long time and I feel my faith and beliefs have really given me something to focus on but like always when you feel like you have everything under control your mental health comes to let you know it hasn’t gone anywhere and its not that easy. My brain chatter has been trying its best to get me back into bed all day for the last few weeks, its been a struggle but I feel it is, at least, only half winning.

the morning routine has kind of gone and my getting up time has gone from 9am back to 12pm, that needs sorting first. I have updated and sorted out my Alter space which makes me happy. I have all the things I love in one place and a place I can go and be peaceful and me. I have been reading all about the coming Solstice still and am excited to be able to do my first ritual on Saturday.

The weather has been a bit shit where I am in sunny old England and I’m really hoping I can cleanse and charge my crystals tomorrow, I feel like I have drained my necklace this week and it needs charging. I do enjoy being able to sit in the garden and cleanse my crystals with sage in the sun, I like to cast a circle and meditate as it is the most peaceful feeling in the world. I’ve been saying for years about getting a driving license and am yet to achieve this, I have a provisional and I have passed my theory test but I just have never really wanted it to much but I see all these beautiful places around my country and always think, I want to go there! but the public transport prices are a joke. For now I will just enjoy the pieces of beautiful nature near where I live and my own Garden, Blessed Be.

I found some peace today.

I finally had a good nights sleep last night, although I did kind of miss the bird song this morning. I have been a productive human, sort of. I woke up and read my cards, I tidied up a bit and did some yoga, ok, I thought about yoga but I didn’t pull myself off the sofa until 11am. I went to town and got some bits I needed for my ritual, I cooked a lovely dinner and I did a little bit of planting as I got some new succulents while I was out, a bit of life for my Alter.

I am still thinking of writing a book, but I honestly don’t know what to write about. I feel I have no imagination at the moment and have no inspiration for a story. I was always so good at this when I was at school, I would get bored and just whack out a 10 page short story just for fun, no I cant even pick a genre! I have been writing in my book of shadows, although there isn’t much in there as I haven’t done many rituals, I have a bigger save file on the computer for research.

For now I will just put my ramblings on here for you all to read, I have noticed more people read all the time and this makes me so happy! any tips, tricks and conversations anyone would like to have I’m open for discussion. Blessed Be.

I’m hoping I sleep tonight.

As nice at is was watching the bird song this morning I’m very much looking forward to going to bed tonight I am just hoping I can actually sleep. I don’t have a bath unfortunately and would sell a kidney for a bubble bath right now! (to clarify I have a wet room) but a bath bomb and glass of wine is a dream I have to hold for now.

I’m thinking I’m going to attempt my first ritual soon. the summer solstice is coming up on the 20th and I know that makes it the Litha Sabbat (usually celebrated on the 21st but its not where it falls this year) so I’m going to research several different rituals and see if I can accumulate the items I need, I’m excited and nervous and just hope I can do the God and Goddess justice! but for now my poor sleepless brain just wants to watch pretty colours on the TV and drift off into the land of nod. night all! Blessed be.