knowledge · mental health · personal blog

Looking fresh!

Not me, the blog! I have changed the themes and colours, added some bits and removed some others. That’s the beauty of writing a personal blog, full creative control!

I always find these random places I want to visit or go too, a picture or story I find on the web which leads to a quick Google search and half an hour later I’m reading about myths and legends from centuries ago.

I have added a new page about my visit to Hever Castle last year and I really want to try and do some more about the places I visit and walks I go on. I love the history of my surroundings and enjoy learning new things.

I’m hoping I can become an amateur archaeologists one day, writing to make money and living in a van. It’s a dream! But for now I’m just soaking up as much information as is available and looking forward to my next new adventure! Blessed be 💜

mental health · personal blog

Feeling stuck.

I hate feeling stuck, like no matter what decisions I make or how much effort I put into things I will always be in the same place doing the same thing for eternity.

I don’t know how to change my life around, I don’t know how to start again or give myself some meaning. I have great ideas but it always feels like nothing fits. I feel empty.

My routine has slipped and my sleeping is shit again, I’m overthinking every situation and fighting the urge to stay in bed all day every day. I know that a routine works for me so why do I find it so hard to implement one?

It all just gets a bit overwhelming at times, the possibility of being and doing anything and then the realisation Im not capable. For now I just need to concentrate on putting one foot Infront of the other and getting through the day. Blessed be 💜

mental health · personal blog

So, I did a thing!

If you haven’t noticed by now I like to change my mind a lot, I like to learn a lot and I like to give myself unrealistic expectations.

So with that I enrolled in an archaeology diploma! I’ve already completed two assesments with a pass mark of 100% and I’m so excited for the rest. I understand this does nothing for my career prospects but for my confidence and learning capacity it’s great!!

There are several other courses I have put on my wishlist that could help with making money so they will be the next step.

I’m still trying to move home although getting to the area I want is proving very difficult, I may have to broaden the search and hope for the best. The driving license isn’t any closer either every time I save up something happens and I need to spend the money, I’m still hoping on the lottery win.

I have plans, big plans that I want to do but wether or not I get there is down to me, I need to put the work in and I need to stop just saying these things but actually doing them! To the first step if many! Blessed be 💜

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Where do I start!

Now I have decided what I want to do and where to go from here it feels like the more I read and research the more confused I become….

Opening a business and agreeing to the whole wide world judging you and having an opinion on your lifestyle is a big step! Can I even do it!?

Trying to be successful with a mental health issues is like trying to fill a bucket with holes drilled into the sides, at least that is how I feel right now. Opinions and doubts coming from all directions and just one really, my brain! I am my own worst enemy, the master of procrastination, able to talk myself out of any decisions I make.

It’s time to stop talking and actually start doing something. Please send some positive motivation my way if you have some spare, I need everything I can get! But for now I have my crystals, my cards and my determination to be better than yesterday. Blessed be 💜

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Finding my strength

As every day seems to go by I seem to be finding a little bit more of myself, finding a bit more strength and motivation. I have found joy in the simple things and a sense of purpose and productivity in completing tasks I have set myself.

I have started the re decoration of my home, starting outside where it bothers me the most. I hate the cheap council front door I have and the mismatched stones and tiles they used to build the steps up to my house so I have given it all a new lick of paint. I think it looks fresh and a like the people who live here actually give a shit about the house.

I haven’t finished it yet, I need to muster the courage to bring the ladder round and paint the top part that hangs over my front door to match the steps and figure out how to get the pretty lights I bought wrapped around the poles and plugged in safely. I know how it should look in my mind I just hope the finished product looks the same or at least similar.

I am due to pick my new bathroom soon too, I can not express my excitement enough for a bath! I shall have crystals and bath bombs, candles and bubbles and it will be amazing! I still haven’t decided what colours I want and if I’m going to keep it the same as the toilet is now as they match at the moment or do something completely different. Decisions.

I hope everyone reading this had a sense of happiness or fulfilment today maybe felt productive or just enjoyed the day, I send you all positive vibes! Blessed be.

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Making a change.

I feel like I have been waiting for things to fall into place before I can start what I really want to do and all that is doing is delaying the inevitable.

I want to be successful at writing but in order to do this i need to write, setting my first task as a novel is probably a bit big so I need to start small. My blog is where I put my feelings about mental health but I’m thinking of expanding it.

I have my meme page and my about me page but I’m thinking of a short story page, where I can put the things I like to write about, small snippets of the book I have planned and short stories I have written. It would be good practice to take time when I can to write about anything.

Could I sell things on my page too? Like positivity boxes filled with goodies to keep you happy or maybe tarot readings? I’m not the best as I’m still learning but have had some good readings before. I also make beautiful spell candles for all sorts of moods, love, positivity, abundance and health. I usually gift them to family and friends but I could make them to sell.

I guess the point I’m asking the universe is this the right idea? I want to be able to make money from what I love and what I love is not working 9-5 and living miles from the ocean, not having the freedom to go wherever you want or the means to be able to get a license or car to do so. I have made many changes to be the person I want to be but I feel there is still so many more to come. Blessed be. 💜

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Morning person.

I have never been a morning person, people who know me well just let me sleep because I am the grumpiest person to wake up but I have been trying to solve that.

My new morning routine has me awake a lot earlier than normal but it means I have time now to do ten minutes of yoga to wake me up and a five minute meditation before I leave and it makes me feel so positive every morning.

I need to find a nice balance for the weekend now, I’m still sleeping into ten and have no motivation but that needs to change. I need to be out in nature more and I need to help my daughter navigate her mental health through this new lockdown. How do you help someone find a hobby that really does not want one!?

I am taking my weekday morning routine as a win, a new healthy pattern I have set for myself now I just need to make sure everyone around me is ok too. Blessed be 💜

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Knowing and doing.

Knowing and doing are two very different things. Take now for instance, I know I should be doing something, anything really to help shake the cloud I have felt over me the last few weeks but instead I am wallowing, why? I don’t know.

I should be meditating or doing some yoga to release the tension I have building yet I’m sat at my computer telling you all what I should be doing, all with the perfect excuse not too.

Clever!

Detrimental…..

some days it is easier to make my self follow the right patterns, knowing what needs to be done and doing it and then there are days like today where i just want to sleep, to hide and not feel anything. These are the days I need to force myself but I don’t have the energy, the willpower or to be completely honest the want to do it.

I tell myself I am allowed bad days and I am, the adjusting to full time work again and needing to re-evaluate everything is a big deal, I have set some large goals I want to achieve this year but cant do that sat on my backside worried about things I’m capable of fixing. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but I cant help it one small slip can feel like the slide back down to the dark.

So today I look for tomorrow, I look for a purpose to keep me moving and grateful for all that I have, I look for energy and guidance and hope that giving myself today is what is needed. Blessed be.