mental health · personal blog

Feeling stuck.

I hate feeling stuck, like no matter what decisions I make or how much effort I put into things I will always be in the same place doing the same thing for eternity.

I don’t know how to change my life around, I don’t know how to start again or give myself some meaning. I have great ideas but it always feels like nothing fits. I feel empty.

My routine has slipped and my sleeping is shit again, I’m overthinking every situation and fighting the urge to stay in bed all day every day. I know that a routine works for me so why do I find it so hard to implement one?

It all just gets a bit overwhelming at times, the possibility of being and doing anything and then the realisation Im not capable. For now I just need to concentrate on putting one foot Infront of the other and getting through the day. Blessed be 💜

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Where do I start!

Now I have decided what I want to do and where to go from here it feels like the more I read and research the more confused I become….

Opening a business and agreeing to the whole wide world judging you and having an opinion on your lifestyle is a big step! Can I even do it!?

Trying to be successful with a mental health issues is like trying to fill a bucket with holes drilled into the sides, at least that is how I feel right now. Opinions and doubts coming from all directions and just one really, my brain! I am my own worst enemy, the master of procrastination, able to talk myself out of any decisions I make.

It’s time to stop talking and actually start doing something. Please send some positive motivation my way if you have some spare, I need everything I can get! But for now I have my crystals, my cards and my determination to be better than yesterday. Blessed be 💜

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Learning to grow.

I have spoken a few times on here about wanting a side hustle, to be able to make money from what I love doing but every time I try to move forward another bill lands on the mat and I realize all over again I need a 9-5 to survive.

So I have come up with an idea, I’m not sure if it will work or be of any interest but it’s the first time I’ve felt I could be on the right track. I have my favourite tattoo on my back that I’m going to turn into an awesome logo with anarchy and anxiety and see what I can print it on and sell. I have been sending my short stories to all sorts of people hoping I could get some work from that too. I just need a chance or an idea to be able to work my butt off and prove I have what it takes.

My blog is growing day by day, more interaction, positive feedback and new people reading from all over the world. This is what makes me happy and this is what I want to be doing so if anyone has any tips and tricks to help me push myself to the next level please let me know! Blessed be. 💜

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Making a change.

I feel like I have been waiting for things to fall into place before I can start what I really want to do and all that is doing is delaying the inevitable.

I want to be successful at writing but in order to do this i need to write, setting my first task as a novel is probably a bit big so I need to start small. My blog is where I put my feelings about mental health but I’m thinking of expanding it.

I have my meme page and my about me page but I’m thinking of a short story page, where I can put the things I like to write about, small snippets of the book I have planned and short stories I have written. It would be good practice to take time when I can to write about anything.

Could I sell things on my page too? Like positivity boxes filled with goodies to keep you happy or maybe tarot readings? I’m not the best as I’m still learning but have had some good readings before. I also make beautiful spell candles for all sorts of moods, love, positivity, abundance and health. I usually gift them to family and friends but I could make them to sell.

I guess the point I’m asking the universe is this the right idea? I want to be able to make money from what I love and what I love is not working 9-5 and living miles from the ocean, not having the freedom to go wherever you want or the means to be able to get a license or car to do so. I have made many changes to be the person I want to be but I feel there is still so many more to come. Blessed be. 💜

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A Covid Christmas.

So Christmas this year wasn’t anything like how it was planned. I received and email from my daughters school two days before Christmas that she had been exposed to Covid 19 and now had to isolate for 10 days. I thought if we managed to get her a test and it was negative we could still celebrate as normal but on Christmas eve I received the positive result back for her, Christmas was cancelled.

We are very lucky to have such amazing families that helped us save the day, food and presents were brought and dropped in the garden, alcohol was purchased and in the end it was a lovely day spent together at home cooking, playing games and drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

its known that Christmas is not my favourite time of year and I always struggle around January time with the lack of money and the massive build up to Christmas that’s over in a day. I cleared the house of all decorations and did a deep clean the day after boxing day as that always helps my mental health but I have really had to talk to myself the last few days. the incarceration (as it feels right now) is driving us all mad and I would give anything for a walk in the woods about now, the having to make myself do things and not just sit around the house in my PJs although there is a lot of that too.

My beautiful tree was knocked down in the wind the other day too, I tried to make it healthier and better but it didn’t work, I now need it removed but am trying to make as many things and use as much of it as I can in memory, my garden will look so bare with no tree. I’ve cleaned and cleared as much stuff as I can, I have sorted my alter and added the bits I received for Christmas, it always makes me happy meditating by my alter.

Focus is on the mental health and trying to decipher what I’m actually feeling and what is my illness right now, setting new goals I want to achieve but putting them in little easy to manage steps, that’s why I like my vision board, the board for the bigger picture and then my lists, the lists of all the small things I need to achieve the big things. From the outside I must look organized but spend five minutes in my head and you will realise its all a lie! Blessed Be.