Alone time.

I was worried when everyone went back to work that I would be lonely, that having no one with me all day was going to be bad for my mental health but I forgot how much I did love being alone.

Peace and quiet to do as I please, want to read a book with no interruptions, go ahead! Want to bake lots of goodies and feel fat? Do that too! Want a nap in the afternoon after a walk in the woods? Why not! Just me and my spirit guides chilling.

It’s nice when everyone gets home too, I miss them and want to hear all about their days, I want to make dinner and listen to all the stories. It’s going to be so different when I go back to work.

I still don’t know what’s going on with work for me, applying for lots of different jobs and trying to get back to normality even if I really don’t want too. I must remember all I have learnt about self care and managing my anxiety for when I enter society again.

Sending love and light to all who need it, requesting motivation and energy to all who can spare it. Blessed be πŸ’œ

Night time energy….

I love it when I get a burst of energy, I don’t love it so much when it comes at 9pm. I want to clean and tidy, I want to sort and organized and everyone else wants to chill out.

When I have these burst of energy during the day I know by evening the whole house will smell and look amazing, I’m always concerned it just means I will be awake all night when it arrives late.

I’m not sure what to do at this time to use my energy that doesn’t involve me being awake at midnight. I can’t sit still to read a book or meditate I could paint or draw I guess but that still involves sitting still. Can I justify sorting out all the towels and bed sheets etc….

I will start small and hope I’m not still pottering around at 1am. If anyone has any craft ideas feel free to send me some links! Blessed be πŸ’œ

Coming or going? Who knows!

I have two moods at the moment and switching between the two is getting exhausting. Happy me is cool, she gets shit done and meditates, she talks to people and is positive! Moody me is draining, always bored and tired, never has any motivation to rectify this situation and expects everyone else to it all for her but without her having to communicate a thing!

I can start the day one way and end the other but trying to purposefully change them, impossible! I have to remind myself to catch my negative thoughts, I’m constantly analysing every word that flows through my brain to the point I can’t tell what’s right and what’s made up.

This is where therapy and self care come into saving me from my mental health, being my escape from my own brain. Meditation is best for this but it’s not always possible to get into the right mind set, you have to think of it as training. It’s a muscle you need to make strong to be able to use it to it’s best potential so don’t be hard on yourself if it takes a while to figure it out, I’m still learning every time.

If you are struggling then take some time out for yourself, tell yourself you need to time to recharge. Take a hot bath or read a book or article you have been wanting too. Go for a walk to somewhere you have never been before or your favourite spot, just be in nature for a while. There are so many ways that you can self care just find the ones you enjoy and take time to really enjoy them, savour them and in your times of need, revisit them.

Thank you for reading more of my ramblings, if I struggle to figure myself out I do wonder what you all must think? Today I send you all love and light, positive energy and acceptance. Whoever you are and wherever you are, love yourself! Blessed be πŸ’œ

Never to old.

I have been struggling with the concept of starting all over again in my 30s the last few weeks, being made redundant has made me rethink all the decisions I have made. I have a few qualifications in a few different things but I have never found the place where I have felt at home, am I searching for a concept that doesn’t exist? I have heard from varied people that the key to life is being able to be payed for what you love.

Unfortunately for me the fields of interest I have don’t really reward a big payday unless you train from a young age and end up lecturing at a university, other than me writing a best selling book I’m going to have to go back to the grind of a 9-5 job. With applying for benefits to try and help me through this time to pay the bills i have come across something that makes me excited, something i really was not expecting!

I am entitled to some free courses at my local college to train in a new career, to get some skills and help myself get into something I might enjoy, carpentry! I like to build things but do not have many skills, I like to pretty things up and take things apart and this will help with that skill, it is something I can do self employed so can work the hours I need. It is the most random skill I could have picked, especially knowing in my lifetime I have been a retail staff member, a nursery nurse, bar staff, a chef, pub manager, a tech records assistant and now carpenter, why not!

this is the first time in a long time I’m excited about something that isn’t my spirituality path and I can not wait to get started! wish me luck, Blessed be

Adding to my crystal collection.

As I was walking through my local town center today I spotted an unusual stool I hadn’t noticed. It had so many beautiful crystals, Himalayan salt lamps, dreamcatchers and native American pictures. I was in awe! I took it as a sign that I was due a few more crystals to help raise my vibration and cheer me up.

I bought some beautiful raw emerald, pyrite, aquamarine, selenite stick, purple howler and and a beautiful agate slice of amythyst which I gave to my daughter. Coming home and adding them to my collection makes me feel good, when I wake up tomorrow and say my affirmation I have more sparkling items to make me smile.

I need to ensure I’m completing my morning routine everyday as I really notice the difference when I don’t. It’s my new form of self sabotage it seems, I will beat this and I will gain control again. I can only be responsible for myself and my own reactions and as long as I am aware and trying to make a difference for my future then I’m proud!! Blessed be πŸ’œ

Keeping your calm can be the best thing to do.

Today has been a test. It has tested me more than it has in a very long time but I managed to keep my cool and hold down my reaction, to talk it through reasonably and express myself the way I wanted too.

The stress and emotional abuse our family has received from my mother, it doesn’t even sound right calling her that, from this woman who destroyed everything is getting beyond a joke. She has pushed buttons for reactions, made false accusations to make her sound like a victim and is making my poor dad’s life a living hell.

We have a while to wait for proceedings of my parents divorce so it means it won’t be the end of the instigations from her but I’m just proud I have learned not to react to them, not to say the things she wants to hear, not to even get emotional. It has taken years of therapy and CBT to get to this point.

All I can do is be there for my dad, continue supporting him and each other until this awful time is over. I will have my time where I can say my piece and it won’t effect anyone else, I can do it in a calm and effective manor. Explain to her exactly how her actions have impacted each and everyone of us and never have contact again.

Thank you for all your continued support and kind words, it means so much to me to get them. You are wonderful people and I will be continuing to work on myself and making sure I’m a good person! Blessed be.

David Attenborough, real legend.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit disheveled, still sleepy and unsure what to do with my day. My half asleep brain thought David Attenborough’s new documentary on Netflix would be good morning TV.

As much as I love watching nature, as much as I love and respect that man so much I have realised, we as humans suck. It is really hard to have one part of me that’s wants to bring us all together, to teach and inform every generation of mistakes made and problems solved. Yet another part of me hates people, I hate confrontation and uncomfortable situations, I hate expressing myself to be belittled and looked at like I’m crazy.

I don’t know what world I’m leaving to my daughter but all I can do is my part. I am a very small fish in an ocean but I’m trying! Adding this to the pressure already constantly in my head is not good but also necessary. I just don’t know what to do that can make a difference. Any ideas? Blessed be.

Happy birthday blog!!

Today marks the one year anniversary of me starting my blog. I haven’t achieved every thing I wanted too but I still feel I have done something.

I have lots of followers on several platforms, I have written about my everyday life by not gone into some details I wanted too. There is still time! I have raised over Β£100 for charity by doing a 8 mile walk and I have boosted my confidence.

I shared my spiritual journey with you all and have several pages within my blog for inspirational meme’s, things I enjoy doing and the charity walk I have done. If you could all just visit my page, add a comment and help me make year two the year I take off!! I have so much still to share with you all and can’t wait to see what year two brings.

Thank you all so much for being with me during this difficult time, thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings and comment on my questions, it really does mean everything to me! Blessed be πŸ’œ

I have a home office!

I feel very grown up today, all prepared and organized in my little office corner. Normally my PC is in my bedroom as I have a habit of researching things and watching videos until the early hours of the morning but now I have turned the bay window in my front room into a proper little office. I can watch the world go by and it is a sun trap so its nice and warm, plus, the best bit is I can still fit the cat stand in here so I have my office and my cats! win win!

I have come along way with my blog this month, I have grown my followers and have had a lot more interaction, I have refined my page to the best of my ability and am sharing things I really care about but I just don’t know how to take it to the next level? I have noticed some of the blogs I follow have hundreds and thousands of followers, how do I do that? is it just time that allows that many? is there a trick I am missing? would someone have any tips and tricks I should know?

Any interaction or advice anyone has please feel free to comment and let me know! I’m sending out positive vibes to anyone who needs them today, I am feeling supported and enlightened today and would like to share it with anyone who needs some. Blessed Be.

Thankyou for being with me today.

I felt the presence of someone today, or maybe a few people or spirits. I felt like I have been guided and it has opened my heart. The more I try, the more I seem to be getting closer to something. I’m not 100% sure what it is yes but I know I’m headed in the right direction at least.

I wanted to but the ingredients to make pasties and a big sausage roll on Saturday for the solstice. Comfort food is the way to go, but then my oven broke, I can’t fix it or replace it right now so I wont be baking anything anytime soon. I can however go to the fresh bakers across the road from me as the make lovely pastry’s. Innovative dinner ideas from now on, although I am lucky I still have a stove top, a grill and a BBQ.

In the Grimoire I have, that has become my new best friend has lovely recipes and ideas for the solstice and I am super excited to be part of something. I have various platforms I can watch the celebrations on and am still debating whether or not to visit Stonehenge on Saturday. I have no idea if I can, who would be there? are we allowed to the path around Stonehenge? It is a silly idea in this time? I would just like to reach out to like minded people and have a face to face conversation with someone who understands what I’m talking about. I don’t know but I really want too. Regardless I will be eating, dancing and making blessing’s for all my nearest and dearest, I will be letting go of all the negativity and opening myself up for the fresh start and new beginning. Blessed Be.

I found some peace today.

I finally had a good nights sleep last night, although I did kind of miss the bird song this morning. I have been a productive human, sort of. I woke up and read my cards, I tidied up a bit and did some yoga, ok, I thought about yoga but I didn’t pull myself off the sofa until 11am. I went to town and got some bits I needed for my ritual, I cooked a lovely dinner and I did a little bit of planting as I got some new succulents while I was out, a bit of life for my Alter.

I am still thinking of writing a book, but I honestly don’t know what to write about. I feel I have no imagination at the moment and have no inspiration for a story. I was always so good at this when I was at school, I would get bored and just whack out a 10 page short story just for fun, no I cant even pick a genre! I have been writing in my book of shadows, although there isn’t much in there as I haven’t done many rituals, I have a bigger save file on the computer for research.

For now I will just put my ramblings on here for you all to read, I have noticed more people read all the time and this makes me so happy! any tips, tricks and conversations anyone would like to have I’m open for discussion. Blessed Be.