knowledge · mental health · personal blog

Looking fresh!

Not me, the blog! I have changed the themes and colours, added some bits and removed some others. That’s the beauty of writing a personal blog, full creative control!

I always find these random places I want to visit or go too, a picture or story I find on the web which leads to a quick Google search and half an hour later I’m reading about myths and legends from centuries ago.

I have added a new page about my visit to Hever Castle last year and I really want to try and do some more about the places I visit and walks I go on. I love the history of my surroundings and enjoy learning new things.

I’m hoping I can become an amateur archaeologists one day, writing to make money and living in a van. It’s a dream! But for now I’m just soaking up as much information as is available and looking forward to my next new adventure! Blessed be 💜

mental health · personal blog

Feeling stuck.

I hate feeling stuck, like no matter what decisions I make or how much effort I put into things I will always be in the same place doing the same thing for eternity.

I don’t know how to change my life around, I don’t know how to start again or give myself some meaning. I have great ideas but it always feels like nothing fits. I feel empty.

My routine has slipped and my sleeping is shit again, I’m overthinking every situation and fighting the urge to stay in bed all day every day. I know that a routine works for me so why do I find it so hard to implement one?

It all just gets a bit overwhelming at times, the possibility of being and doing anything and then the realisation Im not capable. For now I just need to concentrate on putting one foot Infront of the other and getting through the day. Blessed be 💜

mental health · personal blog

So, I did a thing!

If you haven’t noticed by now I like to change my mind a lot, I like to learn a lot and I like to give myself unrealistic expectations.

So with that I enrolled in an archaeology diploma! I’ve already completed two assesments with a pass mark of 100% and I’m so excited for the rest. I understand this does nothing for my career prospects but for my confidence and learning capacity it’s great!!

There are several other courses I have put on my wishlist that could help with making money so they will be the next step.

I’m still trying to move home although getting to the area I want is proving very difficult, I may have to broaden the search and hope for the best. The driving license isn’t any closer either every time I save up something happens and I need to spend the money, I’m still hoping on the lottery win.

I have plans, big plans that I want to do but wether or not I get there is down to me, I need to put the work in and I need to stop just saying these things but actually doing them! To the first step if many! Blessed be 💜

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Where do I start!

Now I have decided what I want to do and where to go from here it feels like the more I read and research the more confused I become….

Opening a business and agreeing to the whole wide world judging you and having an opinion on your lifestyle is a big step! Can I even do it!?

Trying to be successful with a mental health issues is like trying to fill a bucket with holes drilled into the sides, at least that is how I feel right now. Opinions and doubts coming from all directions and just one really, my brain! I am my own worst enemy, the master of procrastination, able to talk myself out of any decisions I make.

It’s time to stop talking and actually start doing something. Please send some positive motivation my way if you have some spare, I need everything I can get! But for now I have my crystals, my cards and my determination to be better than yesterday. Blessed be 💜

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Springs first BBQ.

Yesterday was a very good day. I woke up feeling a bit shit but knew I had invited over my dad for an Easter BBQ, I had already braved the shopping and the fridge and freezer was fully stocked so it was just prep and cooking to tackle.

I had a shower and envisioned all my bad mood just flowing away with the water, I wore my crystals and out on a full face of make up which made me feel pretty.

Once I got in the flow I was cool, a drink in my hand and hidden by the smoke of the BBQ making sure everyone is well fed, my dad made a comment about me being at home there which I guess I do, but to do it as a job again….. Far to stressful!

It was a great day, the drinks and conversation was flowing, the sun was shining all day which was amazing and everyone was full and happy, I gave thanks and gratitude before I went to bed as I felt blessed, I now pass some of that on to all who need it. Blessed be 💜

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Learning to grow.

I have spoken a few times on here about wanting a side hustle, to be able to make money from what I love doing but every time I try to move forward another bill lands on the mat and I realize all over again I need a 9-5 to survive.

So I have come up with an idea, I’m not sure if it will work or be of any interest but it’s the first time I’ve felt I could be on the right track. I have my favourite tattoo on my back that I’m going to turn into an awesome logo with anarchy and anxiety and see what I can print it on and sell. I have been sending my short stories to all sorts of people hoping I could get some work from that too. I just need a chance or an idea to be able to work my butt off and prove I have what it takes.

My blog is growing day by day, more interaction, positive feedback and new people reading from all over the world. This is what makes me happy and this is what I want to be doing so if anyone has any tips and tricks to help me push myself to the next level please let me know! Blessed be. 💜

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Finding my strength

As every day seems to go by I seem to be finding a little bit more of myself, finding a bit more strength and motivation. I have found joy in the simple things and a sense of purpose and productivity in completing tasks I have set myself.

I have started the re decoration of my home, starting outside where it bothers me the most. I hate the cheap council front door I have and the mismatched stones and tiles they used to build the steps up to my house so I have given it all a new lick of paint. I think it looks fresh and a like the people who live here actually give a shit about the house.

I haven’t finished it yet, I need to muster the courage to bring the ladder round and paint the top part that hangs over my front door to match the steps and figure out how to get the pretty lights I bought wrapped around the poles and plugged in safely. I know how it should look in my mind I just hope the finished product looks the same or at least similar.

I am due to pick my new bathroom soon too, I can not express my excitement enough for a bath! I shall have crystals and bath bombs, candles and bubbles and it will be amazing! I still haven’t decided what colours I want and if I’m going to keep it the same as the toilet is now as they match at the moment or do something completely different. Decisions.

I hope everyone reading this had a sense of happiness or fulfilment today maybe felt productive or just enjoyed the day, I send you all positive vibes! Blessed be.