Morning person.

I have never been a morning person, people who know me well just let me sleep because I am the grumpiest person to wake up but I have been trying to solve that.

My new morning routine has me awake a lot earlier than normal but it means I have time now to do ten minutes of yoga to wake me up and a five minute meditation before I leave and it makes me feel so positive every morning.

I need to find a nice balance for the weekend now, I’m still sleeping into ten and have no motivation but that needs to change. I need to be out in nature more and I need to help my daughter navigate her mental health through this new lockdown. How do you help someone find a hobby that really does not want one!?

I am taking my weekday morning routine as a win, a new healthy pattern I have set for myself now I just need to make sure everyone around me is ok too. Blessed be 💜

Novelty has worn off.

Today is the last day of my first full week back to work. I have been a bit quiet recently trying to prepare myself to go back full time, I really liked my three day work week routine.

It has been hard, a lot harder than two days of work I’m completely capable of should be. I have struggled to stay motivated and be positive, I have been trying by using my crystals and saying my affirmations although I haven’t been meditating as much as I should be and that’s a bit disappointing.

I am lucky that my workplace is somewhere I feel safe and am allowed to express myself so I’m not really understanding the struggle. I’m sure once I get back into the swing of my new routine I will be fine but until then I have oils and crystals to keep me going. Blessed be 💜

Back to normal… For lockdown 2.0

I was so excited to go back to work this week, back to my desk and normality. Having a reason to get up and dressed and use some brain function, felt amazing!

But then lockdown happened again, there has been a confirmed case of covid at my daughter’s school, not her year or her “bubble” but you know it won’t be long and then we all have to quarantine.

For now I am just trying to stay positive, wash our hands and all have sanitizer, only leave the house if we absolutely have too and show as much love and compassion to anyone who needs it. There are tough times all around so please remember to be kind.

I will continue to be a normal productive member of society until I am told to stay home indefinitely, enjoying the small bit of normality I can before it crashes down again for Christmas. Blessed be 💜

Full moon energy.

I feel very mixed emotions and energies today, I’ve put it down to the full moon but I can’t be certain that’s all it is.

I start second guessing and overthinking. I feel so sad and angry with no valid reason why. I feel I want to socialize and isolate all at the same time. I really want to put on four layers of clothes and go walking in the rain but can’t be bothered to explain why I want to do it alone.

So many awful things have happened in my town this week too that it honestly doesn’t feel safe walking alone in the dark, especially through wooded areas! Community isn’t an option anymore for someone trying to find their way either as apparently a second lockdown is imminent.

I spent today cleaning and cleansing my crystals so I can charge them under the blue moon on Halloween, trying to clear my mind and shake this feeling but it’s proving impossible. I would give my right arm for a bath this evening but with only a wet room a shower is my only option.

I’m going to meditate for a bit and cleanse myself in the shower hoping the moon can charge me too! Blessed be 💜

Feeling positive about moving forward.

I have been away restoring my mental health the last few weeks. It seems to be a system I need to work through every few months. Self care and reassuring myself I am on the right path. Every time I wobble I get a reminder that I am not in this alone. A sign to say I am supported.

I have been one of the very lucky ones during this pandemic only losing my job last month, but was hired again this week! Back to where I feel safe, back to where I can work and know the people around me know me, understand me and I don’t have to go back to square one exposing myself all over again.

It sounds bad but my cards have always told me not to worry so I didn’t, even when I thought it had all gone wrong I was secretly confident it would all work out.

I have been reading my cards and saying my affirmations every morning, thanking my guides and showing appreciation for all I have. I will be setting my crystal grids today and meditating on them for positive vibes and motivation, sending it out to all who need it. In dark days all it takes sometimes is a ear to listen and healthy vibrations to feel so I am trying my hardest to send them out to you all, you are amazing! Blessed be 💜

Coming or going? Who knows!

I have two moods at the moment and switching between the two is getting exhausting. Happy me is cool, she gets shit done and meditates, she talks to people and is positive! Moody me is draining, always bored and tired, never has any motivation to rectify this situation and expects everyone else to it all for her but without her having to communicate a thing!

I can start the day one way and end the other but trying to purposefully change them, impossible! I have to remind myself to catch my negative thoughts, I’m constantly analysing every word that flows through my brain to the point I can’t tell what’s right and what’s made up.

This is where therapy and self care come into saving me from my mental health, being my escape from my own brain. Meditation is best for this but it’s not always possible to get into the right mind set, you have to think of it as training. It’s a muscle you need to make strong to be able to use it to it’s best potential so don’t be hard on yourself if it takes a while to figure it out, I’m still learning every time.

If you are struggling then take some time out for yourself, tell yourself you need to time to recharge. Take a hot bath or read a book or article you have been wanting too. Go for a walk to somewhere you have never been before or your favourite spot, just be in nature for a while. There are so many ways that you can self care just find the ones you enjoy and take time to really enjoy them, savour them and in your times of need, revisit them.

Thank you for reading more of my ramblings, if I struggle to figure myself out I do wonder what you all must think? Today I send you all love and light, positive energy and acceptance. Whoever you are and wherever you are, love yourself! Blessed be 💜

Adding to my crystal collection.

As I was walking through my local town center today I spotted an unusual stool I hadn’t noticed. It had so many beautiful crystals, Himalayan salt lamps, dreamcatchers and native American pictures. I was in awe! I took it as a sign that I was due a few more crystals to help raise my vibration and cheer me up.

I bought some beautiful raw emerald, pyrite, aquamarine, selenite stick, purple howler and and a beautiful agate slice of amythyst which I gave to my daughter. Coming home and adding them to my collection makes me feel good, when I wake up tomorrow and say my affirmation I have more sparkling items to make me smile.

I need to ensure I’m completing my morning routine everyday as I really notice the difference when I don’t. It’s my new form of self sabotage it seems, I will beat this and I will gain control again. I can only be responsible for myself and my own reactions and as long as I am aware and trying to make a difference for my future then I’m proud!! Blessed be 💜

Sliding down to climb back up.

I am constantly reminded that my illness has a mind of its own. I have been a bit up and down the last few weeks, trying to stay motivated and keeping things running but sometimes it’s just so hard.

It’s hard not to let my mood effect the people around me, it’s hard to not want to be around the people you love. You know that you are hurting their feelings by reacting the way you are but you can’t stop that voice in your head saying all these nasty things, you just have to not repeat them.

The negativity surrounds you like a cloud and no matter how hard you try to blow it away it seems to just grow bigger. So to get out of my own head I need to make others smile, I need to concentrate on making someone else happy and then maybe it will lift my cloud.

I will be cleansing my crystals, watering my flowers, meditating and doing anything my family ask for to give me some direction, some plan and reason to this blurry mess right now. Blessed be 💜

Mind, Body….. control?

As I filled you all in on my morning I wont delve too deep into that. I went for a walk today, I tried to get out to a beauty spot that is about 40 minutes away from where I live but apparently I had the same idea as everyone else in my county. this place is beautiful, I really wish I had pictures to share but hopefully soon. so instead we went for a drive, it was nice just have the window down and the wind blowing my hair, we had the music up and it was lovely. I’m very lucky to have my sister and her car around when I get these good but bad ideas, I mean I’m lucky to have her in general but especially that she listens to my crazy schemes.

I came home and meditated, I planned out the pieces I needed for my ritual on Saturday and managed to get all my washing done, like everything! dried and folded. not put away but a win is a win. I have been very focused on my mental health and making myself feel better I feel sometimes I neglect the people around me. I don’t mean too, I just get so focused on my thoughts, or ignoring them more to the point, I can only understand when I’m told. I’m either all or nothing, them or me and that’s a balance I’m struggling with at the moment. is that normal? am I selfish? a question I constantly ask myself.

All I can do, and all I do is ask everyone all the time if they are ok, if there is anything I can do. So much so I think I just get automatic responses now. I just hope the people around me know I am there for them like I know they are there for me. I watched a very interesting program this evening about rewiring your own brain, that re-fire means rewire I cant go to much into detail as its late and this is a lot of information to digest but I’m very interested, can I change my thought process? can I rewire it to make me happy and to achieve? is it really that simple? I guess there is only one way to find out. Blessed be.