knowledge · mental health · personal blog

Looking fresh!

Not me, the blog! I have changed the themes and colours, added some bits and removed some others. That’s the beauty of writing a personal blog, full creative control!

I always find these random places I want to visit or go too, a picture or story I find on the web which leads to a quick Google search and half an hour later I’m reading about myths and legends from centuries ago.

I have added a new page about my visit to Hever Castle last year and I really want to try and do some more about the places I visit and walks I go on. I love the history of my surroundings and enjoy learning new things.

I’m hoping I can become an amateur archaeologists one day, writing to make money and living in a van. It’s a dream! But for now I’m just soaking up as much information as is available and looking forward to my next new adventure! Blessed be 💜

mental health · personal blog

So, I did a thing!

If you haven’t noticed by now I like to change my mind a lot, I like to learn a lot and I like to give myself unrealistic expectations.

So with that I enrolled in an archaeology diploma! I’ve already completed two assesments with a pass mark of 100% and I’m so excited for the rest. I understand this does nothing for my career prospects but for my confidence and learning capacity it’s great!!

There are several other courses I have put on my wishlist that could help with making money so they will be the next step.

I’m still trying to move home although getting to the area I want is proving very difficult, I may have to broaden the search and hope for the best. The driving license isn’t any closer either every time I save up something happens and I need to spend the money, I’m still hoping on the lottery win.

I have plans, big plans that I want to do but wether or not I get there is down to me, I need to put the work in and I need to stop just saying these things but actually doing them! To the first step if many! Blessed be 💜

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Now is the time, to do what exactly?

Unfortunately I feel very much back at square 1 right now, like so many other people during these uncertain times I have been made redundant. Through no fault of anyone or anything other than the situation of the world right now, the pandemic, the virus and everything else that seems to be brewing around too. I have been trying really hard to keep up my routine, to find some solace in anything I can to stop me falling into the darkness.

The whole idea of job searching is exhausting and terrifying. The process of meeting new people and putting myself out in a world I feel I haven’t really been a part of since last year has my anxiety so high. The idea of the world that is out there, the world I am raising my family in is also just as terrifying. Depression seems to like that one, it keeps asking what my intentions are when the whole world falls apart, I don’t have any!? die with the masses I guess…. and there is it’s reason to get me into bed and just not bother.

Where is my drive? Where is the woman who was fearless and an adrenaline junkie? who loved a challenge and fought hard for the things she believed in? I don’t know anymore. I thought she was still in there somewhere, I thought she had found her feet again and was getting ready to stand tall but when I need her the most she’s hiding in the pit of my stomach screaming at me! Square one again.

With trying to stay positive I have updated my CV which at least makes me sound like a productive member of society who is capable of holding down a job, I have considered higher education at the ripe old age of 33, A levels in English and History as they are my two passions in life and to carry on with my spiritual learning, still wanting to find someone to connect with on this, to help guide me, as with everything now I just feel lost.

Now is the perfect time for me to decide what it is exactly I want to do, what makes me happy? what would mix my passions and be able to make me an income? or is that asking too much? do I focus on myself and my mental health first and worry about work later? do I just get a job for now and figure things out along the way? do I make a plan and stick to it to further my education?

For now I’m going to apply for a few jobs I really am interested in hoping my new updated CV gets me a look, I am then going to make a hot cup of tea, find a comfy spot and read some self care books. I have increased my collection substantially over the last few months, so much so I have had to purchase a new bookcase to store all my books together, better get reading! Blessed be and thankyou for reading, all of your support and nice comments really makes me feel I have a purpose, if 1 person can read and relate to what my crazy brain spits out I feel a little less isolated.