mental health · personal blog

So, I did a thing!

If you haven’t noticed by now I like to change my mind a lot, I like to learn a lot and I like to give myself unrealistic expectations.

So with that I enrolled in an archaeology diploma! I’ve already completed two assesments with a pass mark of 100% and I’m so excited for the rest. I understand this does nothing for my career prospects but for my confidence and learning capacity it’s great!!

There are several other courses I have put on my wishlist that could help with making money so they will be the next step.

I’m still trying to move home although getting to the area I want is proving very difficult, I may have to broaden the search and hope for the best. The driving license isn’t any closer either every time I save up something happens and I need to spend the money, I’m still hoping on the lottery win.

I have plans, big plans that I want to do but wether or not I get there is down to me, I need to put the work in and I need to stop just saying these things but actually doing them! To the first step if many! Blessed be 💜

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Springs first BBQ.

Yesterday was a very good day. I woke up feeling a bit shit but knew I had invited over my dad for an Easter BBQ, I had already braved the shopping and the fridge and freezer was fully stocked so it was just prep and cooking to tackle.

I had a shower and envisioned all my bad mood just flowing away with the water, I wore my crystals and out on a full face of make up which made me feel pretty.

Once I got in the flow I was cool, a drink in my hand and hidden by the smoke of the BBQ making sure everyone is well fed, my dad made a comment about me being at home there which I guess I do, but to do it as a job again….. Far to stressful!

It was a great day, the drinks and conversation was flowing, the sun was shining all day which was amazing and everyone was full and happy, I gave thanks and gratitude before I went to bed as I felt blessed, I now pass some of that on to all who need it. Blessed be 💜

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Learning to grow.

I have spoken a few times on here about wanting a side hustle, to be able to make money from what I love doing but every time I try to move forward another bill lands on the mat and I realize all over again I need a 9-5 to survive.

So I have come up with an idea, I’m not sure if it will work or be of any interest but it’s the first time I’ve felt I could be on the right track. I have my favourite tattoo on my back that I’m going to turn into an awesome logo with anarchy and anxiety and see what I can print it on and sell. I have been sending my short stories to all sorts of people hoping I could get some work from that too. I just need a chance or an idea to be able to work my butt off and prove I have what it takes.

My blog is growing day by day, more interaction, positive feedback and new people reading from all over the world. This is what makes me happy and this is what I want to be doing so if anyone has any tips and tricks to help me push myself to the next level please let me know! Blessed be. 💜

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Unpopular opinion, I hate snow.

Everyone has been buzzing around the south of England the last few days because the snow is coming. My daughter came bouncing into my room this morning, mum! look out the window, it’s snowing!!

Now while I will admit it looks very pretty all undisturbed from behind a window, I am not looking forward to being out in the cold ass snow tomorrow.

It makes travel a nightmare, it makes me cold and wet and I do not like the cold and wet, warm and wet tho….

I am hoping that it rains later today, washing all the snow away so tomorrow is just a normal work day and not a day where I have to move 100 boxes of aircraft records in the snow.

Being positivity, love and light I will enjoy the view from my window as I begin the housework, light my candles and say my affirmations to begin a day of cleansing. Blessed be 💜

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
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Novelty has worn off.

Today is the last day of my first full week back to work. I have been a bit quiet recently trying to prepare myself to go back full time, I really liked my three day work week routine.

It has been hard, a lot harder than two days of work I’m completely capable of should be. I have struggled to stay motivated and be positive, I have been trying by using my crystals and saying my affirmations although I haven’t been meditating as much as I should be and that’s a bit disappointing.

I am lucky that my workplace is somewhere I feel safe and am allowed to express myself so I’m not really understanding the struggle. I’m sure once I get back into the swing of my new routine I will be fine but until then I have oils and crystals to keep me going. Blessed be 💜

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Smiling brightly!

I have many reasons to smile at the moment, a roof over my head and food in the fridge, a family I love and job that needs me but I have always had one big problem with my confidence. My smile.

I have extremely bad teeth, it’s embarrassing to admit to the big wide world but they are awful and really knock my confidence when it comes to smiling and talking. My dentist says I have mastered using my lips to cover my teeth when talking so I guess I’m good at that 🤷

The reason I am telling you all this is because I made a rather large purchase for me this week and it’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I bought some clip on veneers and not the cheap ones. I’m hoping and praying they are everything I want them to be, that they help my confidence and take the last part of me I truly dislike away, at least in public.

We will see how they turn out I guess in a few weeks, I completed the impressions earlier today and hopefully will send them off soon. It’s a lot of money to spend just on me and it’s hard not to feel selfish in the grand scheme of things but the alternative was alot more and it’s something I have struggled with for a while. Blessed be! 💜

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Back to normal… For lockdown 2.0

I was so excited to go back to work this week, back to my desk and normality. Having a reason to get up and dressed and use some brain function, felt amazing!

But then lockdown happened again, there has been a confirmed case of covid at my daughter’s school, not her year or her “bubble” but you know it won’t be long and then we all have to quarantine.

For now I am just trying to stay positive, wash our hands and all have sanitizer, only leave the house if we absolutely have too and show as much love and compassion to anyone who needs it. There are tough times all around so please remember to be kind.

I will continue to be a normal productive member of society until I am told to stay home indefinitely, enjoying the small bit of normality I can before it crashes down again for Christmas. Blessed be 💜

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Feeling positive about moving forward.

I have been away restoring my mental health the last few weeks. It seems to be a system I need to work through every few months. Self care and reassuring myself I am on the right path. Every time I wobble I get a reminder that I am not in this alone. A sign to say I am supported.

I have been one of the very lucky ones during this pandemic only losing my job last month, but was hired again this week! Back to where I feel safe, back to where I can work and know the people around me know me, understand me and I don’t have to go back to square one exposing myself all over again.

It sounds bad but my cards have always told me not to worry so I didn’t, even when I thought it had all gone wrong I was secretly confident it would all work out.

I have been reading my cards and saying my affirmations every morning, thanking my guides and showing appreciation for all I have. I will be setting my crystal grids today and meditating on them for positive vibes and motivation, sending it out to all who need it. In dark days all it takes sometimes is a ear to listen and healthy vibrations to feel so I am trying my hardest to send them out to you all, you are amazing! Blessed be 💜

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Coming or going? Who knows!

I have two moods at the moment and switching between the two is getting exhausting. Happy me is cool, she gets shit done and meditates, she talks to people and is positive! Moody me is draining, always bored and tired, never has any motivation to rectify this situation and expects everyone else to it all for her but without her having to communicate a thing!

I can start the day one way and end the other but trying to purposefully change them, impossible! I have to remind myself to catch my negative thoughts, I’m constantly analysing every word that flows through my brain to the point I can’t tell what’s right and what’s made up.

This is where therapy and self care come into saving me from my mental health, being my escape from my own brain. Meditation is best for this but it’s not always possible to get into the right mind set, you have to think of it as training. It’s a muscle you need to make strong to be able to use it to it’s best potential so don’t be hard on yourself if it takes a while to figure it out, I’m still learning every time.

If you are struggling then take some time out for yourself, tell yourself you need to time to recharge. Take a hot bath or read a book or article you have been wanting too. Go for a walk to somewhere you have never been before or your favourite spot, just be in nature for a while. There are so many ways that you can self care just find the ones you enjoy and take time to really enjoy them, savour them and in your times of need, revisit them.

Thank you for reading more of my ramblings, if I struggle to figure myself out I do wonder what you all must think? Today I send you all love and light, positive energy and acceptance. Whoever you are and wherever you are, love yourself! Blessed be 💜

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Adding to my crystal collection.

As I was walking through my local town center today I spotted an unusual stool I hadn’t noticed. It had so many beautiful crystals, Himalayan salt lamps, dreamcatchers and native American pictures. I was in awe! I took it as a sign that I was due a few more crystals to help raise my vibration and cheer me up.

I bought some beautiful raw emerald, pyrite, aquamarine, selenite stick, purple howler and and a beautiful agate slice of amythyst which I gave to my daughter. Coming home and adding them to my collection makes me feel good, when I wake up tomorrow and say my affirmation I have more sparkling items to make me smile.

I need to ensure I’m completing my morning routine everyday as I really notice the difference when I don’t. It’s my new form of self sabotage it seems, I will beat this and I will gain control again. I can only be responsible for myself and my own reactions and as long as I am aware and trying to make a difference for my future then I’m proud!! Blessed be 💜

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Feeling supported.

There aren’t many mornings I wake up with energy so I make the most of them. I have been to town and replenished my candles as well as grabbing some incense, I have done all my housework and have the second load of washing on.

It doesn’t seem like much and in the grand scheme of things its not but for me it is a win! I am still looking for work, still unsure of what I actually want to do. I am still trying to find my yoga routine a slot but it seems to differ each day.

I want to share some of the positive energy I have today with you all, I want to help anyone struggling to human today. You are amazing, you are worth all the love you receive and you are not alone. Blessed be.

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I love the sunshine!

I feel like I must be the only one in the whole of my country who is loving this heat wave! I don’t have to leave the house, I can put a paddling pool in my garden and sit in it and drink wine, I can meditate and tan myself at the same time. Where is the worry in this? I understand its hot, and too anyone who had to leave the house in this heat, I hope you stayed hydrated and I will try to send you some energy to get you back to the cool shade if you need it. Summer has been and always shall be, my favourite season!

Positive vibes just seem to shine from me when I’m in the sunshine, even more if I’m in a pool and then turning to radiation when you add in sandy beaches, cocktails and beautiful scenery. I want a holiday but I will settle for the warmth of the sun in my garden for now.

New succulents are on order among a few new witchy bits, Etsy is great for these things but bad for my bank balance. I love supporting small businesses and always feel that things from them have that little extra bit of love. I am going to enjoy the weather and the heat, feel the love and warmth of the Goddess all around me today, I am so grateful for the positivity I have received and will send it back out with a little loved wrapped around. If you need it just like or comment and I will send you all some love. Blessed Be.