Alone time.

I was worried when everyone went back to work that I would be lonely, that having no one with me all day was going to be bad for my mental health but I forgot how much I did love being alone.

Peace and quiet to do as I please, want to read a book with no interruptions, go ahead! Want to bake lots of goodies and feel fat? Do that too! Want a nap in the afternoon after a walk in the woods? Why not! Just me and my spirit guides chilling.

It’s nice when everyone gets home too, I miss them and want to hear all about their days, I want to make dinner and listen to all the stories. It’s going to be so different when I go back to work.

I still don’t know what’s going on with work for me, applying for lots of different jobs and trying to get back to normality even if I really don’t want too. I must remember all I have learnt about self care and managing my anxiety for when I enter society again.

Sending love and light to all who need it, requesting motivation and energy to all who can spare it. Blessed be πŸ’œ

World mental health day.

Today is world mental health day, a day to try and be kind to everyone, we all have our demons and everyone deserves kindness.

There are lots of platforms to reach out too if you are struggling. We are lucky here in the UK to have the NHS, sometimes you have to fight to be heard but please don’t stop fighting. Talking to anyone can help, the Samaritans or mind or even a friend.

Whatever you are struggling with you are not alone, there is help available for you, you just need to reach out. I know that in itself can be terrifying but think of it as the first step back to you.

We are strong, we are worth all the love that we receive and give ourselves. Blessed be. πŸ’œ

Keeping your calm can be the best thing to do.

Today has been a test. It has tested me more than it has in a very long time but I managed to keep my cool and hold down my reaction, to talk it through reasonably and express myself the way I wanted too.

The stress and emotional abuse our family has received from my mother, it doesn’t even sound right calling her that, from this woman who destroyed everything is getting beyond a joke. She has pushed buttons for reactions, made false accusations to make her sound like a victim and is making my poor dad’s life a living hell.

We have a while to wait for proceedings of my parents divorce so it means it won’t be the end of the instigations from her but I’m just proud I have learned not to react to them, not to say the things she wants to hear, not to even get emotional. It has taken years of therapy and CBT to get to this point.

All I can do is be there for my dad, continue supporting him and each other until this awful time is over. I will have my time where I can say my piece and it won’t effect anyone else, I can do it in a calm and effective manor. Explain to her exactly how her actions have impacted each and everyone of us and never have contact again.

Thank you for all your continued support and kind words, it means so much to me to get them. You are wonderful people and I will be continuing to work on myself and making sure I’m a good person! Blessed be.

Building my vision board.

Another way I’m trying to help my motivation to get back to the normal world of people is a vision board, more self help books and blogs have helped me start my journal so the next thing I think will help is a vision board.

On there I have; find a job and spend more time with my family, to do more yoga and remember to meditate everyday. I just need to do one thing every time I walk past and read it and I’m winning!

Sunday has always been housework day but since I’m not at work I have noticed its a lot easier to do it on Monday when there is no one in the house so Sundays have become the lazy day, if only I had a working oven I could cook a big sunday roast! Alas it’s sausage, egg, beans and chips. Another British classic!

I hope that you are all enjoying your Sunday, I hope you have family and warmth, love and light, peace and calm. Blessed be.

Is there a bully group chat!?

I shared my post with you guys last week about bullying, about the issues my daughter was facing and that I understood how she feels. And then I get a follow request from one of my bullies!?

I had a problem with this “woman” since I was in my teens. She looks down her nose at me and called me all sorts of names. Fast forward ten years and She then decided to sleep with my fiance and get pregnant, don’t get me wrong he certainly enjoyed the fact of how much we dislike each other too.

Following this I get approximately three years of abuse. Calls in the middle of the night, text messages full of nasty comments, coming up to me in the street anytime she saw me, again shouting abuse wether my daughter was there or not. It finally ended after I had a harassment order and restraining order placed against her.

Welcome back to today! I haven’t heard, seen or had any contact since 2014 until I have the police called for my daughter then pops up a follow request. I deleted and ignored but it’s playing on my mind.

Why do bullys feel the need to check in? I’ve had messages from my daughter’s bullies asking me how dare I bring the police into this…. I’ve had requests from my bullies suddenly popping up. What the hell is happening!?

So today is a day of cleansing. I will be burning my sage sticks around the house and myself, I will be setting up my crystal grid so promote positive vibes and cleansing energies and may even attempt a clear all curses spell, just to make sure!! I hope you all enjoy your wonders day!

Please visit my blog and read about my sponsored walk I’m completing on the 5th sept for an amazing little boy. We need to raise as much as we possibly can and I would really appreciate all the help we can receive for him!! Blessed be.

To be grateful…

What am i grateful for? Lots really. I have an awesome support unit with my husband, my sister, my dad and my daughter, I have a great support unit far an wide with family all over the country. I have a home I love even if I am thinking of leaving it. I am grateful for life, for waking up every morning, be it a good mood or bad, for wanting to heal myself and for starting this journey I had talked about for so long.

Yesterday was a good day, the sun was out and I got the pool out, BBQ food was amazing and I do love feeding my family. I dont have many talents but I can cook! My alter is constantly being changed and bits added or removed I just love meditating surrounded by my plants and incense, candles and lights. It’s my happy place.

If I could ask all you lovely people to please please click on my blog and read my page about Jacobs Journey, it’s a charity walk I am doing to raise money for a very special little boy. Any donations received will be amazing. Pop a comment on the page so I can try to keep track. Blessed be β™₯️

Mind, Body….. control?

As I filled you all in on my morning I wont delve too deep into that. I went for a walk today, I tried to get out to a beauty spot that is about 40 minutes away from where I live but apparently I had the same idea as everyone else in my county. this place is beautiful, I really wish I had pictures to share but hopefully soon. so instead we went for a drive, it was nice just have the window down and the wind blowing my hair, we had the music up and it was lovely. I’m very lucky to have my sister and her car around when I get these good but bad ideas, I mean I’m lucky to have her in general but especially that she listens to my crazy schemes.

I came home and meditated, I planned out the pieces I needed for my ritual on Saturday and managed to get all my washing done, like everything! dried and folded. not put away but a win is a win. I have been very focused on my mental health and making myself feel better I feel sometimes I neglect the people around me. I don’t mean too, I just get so focused on my thoughts, or ignoring them more to the point, I can only understand when I’m told. I’m either all or nothing, them or me and that’s a balance I’m struggling with at the moment. is that normal? am I selfish? a question I constantly ask myself.

All I can do, and all I do is ask everyone all the time if they are ok, if there is anything I can do. So much so I think I just get automatic responses now. I just hope the people around me know I am there for them like I know they are there for me. I watched a very interesting program this evening about rewiring your own brain, that re-fire means rewire I cant go to much into detail as its late and this is a lot of information to digest but I’m very interested, can I change my thought process? can I rewire it to make me happy and to achieve? is it really that simple? I guess there is only one way to find out. Blessed be.