mental health · personal blog

My issue with meds…..

When you take medication the general rule is you take it for as long as you need it. Pain stops then stop taking the meds, injury healed stop taking the meds but mental health doesn’t work like that.

I’ve struggled with the idea of taking regular medication for my mental health, not that I don’t think I need it I know I do but its the dependency that scares me. And personally I know of two reasons for my issues.

The first was my drug issue in my teens, the only reason I stopped taking them wasn’t the blackouts or three day hangovers, the money issue and having no where really to live it was falling pregnant, I’ve said it before and I will say it again my daughter saved my life!

And the other is watching my mum’s mental health issues growing up, she had a very different idea of medication to me and took anything and everything they gave her and when one stopped working she went back for stronger and more heavy shit. It wasn’t until I was in my teens and could understand what she was taking (and helped myself on a few occasions) I realised she spent most of my childhood spaced the fuck out!

Everyone deals with their own shit differently but at some point as an adult with children watching you have to take responsibility for your actions so now that’s what I’m doing, for this at least. I’ve always taken meds, felt better and then stopped because I have told myself I don’t need them anymore, I’m fine but the truth is I’m fine because I’m on my meds. It’s not an addiction that requires rehab, it doesn’t make me a junkie anymore than smoking a cigarette does. If I had a problem with my heart and needed tablets I would take them so why is there so much issue around taking them for my head!?

Me and my therapist love running round in these circles in my head!! 🤣
I understand there are more underlying aspects at work here and that it’s going to take more than a few sessions to figure out why I am the way I am and do the things I do but I’m trying really hard to be responsible for me, for my actions and my choices and maybe that will help me understand and figure out what I want and who I am. When you feel like you’ve spent your entire life for other people yet feel selfish and guilty at the same time it’s really hard to understand who you are when it’s just you in the dark.

Anyone else have struggles with meds? If you’re struggling then reach out to anyone, professional or just a friend. A problem shared is a problem halved or so they say…… Blessed be ☮️

Today’s mantra! 💜