there just isn’t a cure for this shit.

My illness is deceitful, my illness is frightening, my illness is spiteful, my illness can be immobilising. My illness isn’t me.

Today has been a tough day, I haven’t felt like the new version of me I have been trying to create. I made myself get up and do all the things that have helped me the last few weeks to feel better, to have some motivation but I still ended the day crying in the shower. Nothing happened today except my overthinking brain chatter getting the better of me. I just cant seem to make any kind of decision.. on anything!

Not that there are any major decision’s to be made right now, but that’s not the point.

Sometimes self care just doesn’t work no matter how bad you want it too, you can be meditating and completely calm with tears rolling down your cheeks, you can be angry and red faced yet completely collected to the outside world. It feels like the peace before the storm, but where is the storm? Nothing else to do but to thank the goddess and god for the blessing of today and tell myself tomorrow is a new beginning. I need to go to bed now, fingers crossed for tomorrow. Blessed be.

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