Bad moods you just can’t shake.

Hi again! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, today I want to talk about my moods, of which I have no control lately! Why is it when you say you want to be left alone everyone automatically assumes your pissed off with them? I’m not pissed at you I’m pissed at me, I’m pissed at my mood that I just can’t shake, I’m pissed that I can’t just hide away under my duvet and tell the world to fuck off, I’m pissed that I feel like everything that is coming out of my mouth is being analysed for an undertone or secret meaning. honestly….. I just want to be left alone to contemplate my stupid thoughts, to argue with the voice I’m my head about why I shouldn’t want to run away. And I shouldn’t, I have been through some very dark experiences in my life. I’ve been in places I knew in my gut I should never have been around yet there I was no fear in the world. Now I seem to not even be able to get out of bed and go to work, like a normal person, with normal people I trust whole heartedly without thinking something is going to happen to me, or my kid or my husband. Without worrying about being made to look stupid or being made fun of, for being told I’m not worth it because I really feel that way sometimes. I’ve not been suicidal since my teens and I would never do that because I wouldn’t want my daughter to think she wasn’t enough, she is enough but it doesn’t stop the thinking of “would they be better without me?” Am I too much of a hindrance? Am I just to much hard work constantly telling me I’m not? What am I teaching her about herself? Constant questions I don’t have the answer for……. So we end up back where we started, just wanting to hide from everyone and everything because you just don’t feel good enough. It doesn’t matter how much you tell yourself it’s your illness telling you this, the voice in your head is wrong. It still won’t shut up!! Someone please tell me in not the only one who has days like this? Weeks like this? A life like this? I always try to leave on a positive but I’m finding it difficult today, squeeze everyone you love that little bit tighter today! Share the love and smiles and maybe some will get back to me too!!

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