Good days and bad days.

Hey, if your reading this again. Thanks! That means I’m not as crazy as I think I am. Someone related!
I want to carry on with my description of how it feels to live on a day to day basis. I want to just explain what I’ve done to try and help myself with my mental health and what options people have when you feel like your not being listened too.
One day I can wake up and feel like I can take on the world, I feel strong and confident and because I am so lucky and have such an amazing support system my good days are celebrated. I feel like everything is wonderful, I’m in an amazing place and I work really hard and make everyone happy in the ways I only know how. I dance around making jokes and making people laugh, I work hard and think fast and soak up everything around me. I love nature and I’m a freak for pictures of the sky or water or plants. I love it and I feel the pull to nature when I’m happy and I’m down. It’s like it’s where I should be. In the middle of the woods by a river left the fuck alone when I’m down and surrounded by people when I’m happy. That’s the only difference. I love me when I’m happy, I cherish and appreciate everything it’s just unfortunately it doesn’t happen very often. To help myself to to regulate my days, my feelings and emotions I take medication. I take two antidepressants every day and 4 anti anxiety tablets. I take one vitamin b12 tablet and one folic acid tablet. Apparently b12 can have an effect on your mental health and I’ve never had a regular eating pattern so I need all the help I can get in that department. Yet I don’t take normal multivitamins, I should probably do that. You will hear that sentence a lot, I know I should yet I still haven’t.
I’ve been to several different therapists and lots of doctors and have done a course of cognitive behavioural therapy. I have a mental health app on my phone which helps me gain tools on changing my thinking and behaviour when I know I’m doing something because of my mental illness or when I know I’m self distructing. Sometimes it’s easier to see than others and sometimes I need to be told, I’m still learning and I’m not perfect but I’m trying. And that’s all I can do, all we can do. I had to push for help with my doctor I feel I have suffered from this from a young age yet have only been taken seriously by the dr for the last few years. I had to be persistent and I had to be honest. Fight for your right to be heard and to be helped.

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