Welcome to my blog!

This is my blog about living with depression and anxiety. I’m hoping sharing my story will help myself make some sort of sense about my life and health etc but I’m also hoping if I can help one person get help, move forward or just open up to someone about how they feel it will be worth sharing my story in the raw, true way I only know how.
So a little background for this first one, let’s get to know me. I’m a 32 year old mother of one, married and I have a good job. I’ve reached a point in my life I have always strived for, the stable and loving environment I have around me right now yet this is the point my depression and anxiety is at is worst. Why? Fuck knows maybe we can find out together!! I’ve had therapy and counseling, (there different things apparently, who knew!) I take medication, I go to work, I take care of my house, my bills and my family yet there are days I can’t get out of bed.
Days I’m sobbing for no apparent reason yet I can’t stop. There are two types of crying days and I’m hoping I’m not the only one. Sobbing, can’t move, snot all over my face and just want to hide away from everyone in the dark days and days where I’m trying so fucking hard to do the things I need to do, to carry on with the things I did yesterday or last week with no problems what so ever, yet there are tears flowing down my cheeks and I can’t stop them. There just there while I’m working, eating, cleaning it doesn’t matter. And them days suck. Meet depression.
Anxiety days suck too. I don’t want to leave my house, I feel isolated and exposed at the same time, I don’t feel safe. Sometimes there are reasons for feeling like this, pressure from someone about something or a big change that I know is going to happen. But sometimes there is no reason at all, like depression it has a mind of its own. It makes my heart race and my hands sweat, it’s different to depression as in it feels more physical, depression I know is in my head, it’s a battle with my brain I can understand that but my anxiety feels different, in a way more intense as I just can’t function. It makes me feel frozen within myself and that’s hard to explain or talk myself out of. It’s physical and it’s fucking frightening.
So that’s me, that’s how I feel on a day to day basis and I’m hoping someone can relate. Feel free to leave a comment if you understand some of my crazy brain or know some one who would benefit from this blog, then share away. There are links on my blog page to my social media accounts and to a few mental health sites I found helped me. If you feel you need to receive some proper help please contact your GP. Hopefully you follow my journey!

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